AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I want you to come for me as easily.”
“Baby, I’ve been thinking about how the locker room smells to keep from blowing since I first got inside you.” He laughs and I fight a smile of my own. “Take the condom off, Isla.”
Fuck me.
My greedy hands find his hard length. Though I want the thin latex gone as quickly as possible, I take my time. Enjoying the feel of him as he watches me intently.
“Cover me in it, Cillian.”
He moves to cradle my sides between his legs, it brings his cock to nestle in my cleavage. Cillian fills my sight; I can’t help but run my fingers along the ridges of his abdomen or rest them on his own as he works his long erection with one hand. The other firmly grips one of my breasts, swirling the nub into a hard, sensitive peak. Turning my chin down, I stick my tongue out to taste the tip of him. Salty and delicious.
“Not in your mouth tonight, Isla. This time, I want your rosy nipple covered in it. I want to watch it drip and roll down.” His voice shakes because he’s close, so close. I taste him again with a pleased hum. “Fucking hell. Fuck, fuck.”
The first burst lands on my chin, then he’s aiming it exactly where he wanted it, warming my skin under it. My eyes don’t leave his face, watching as he concentrates on his task as if it’s the most important thing in the world. His chest, blushing with his exertion, slows its heaving after a minute and his eyes return to mine.
“It’s about time, Wylder,” I tease seductively. I trail a finger under some of his release and suck it into my mouth. Cillian watches with rapt attention, his body unmoving. So, I give him more of a show and begin massaging it into the skin of my breast and my belly. My fingers graze the sensitive skin under his cock as it rests against me, and now it’s him quivering. But he still doesn’t move, not until I’m done. Not until there’s no evidence left except what is glistening on my skin or tantalizing my tongue.
Then he flops down next to me and rolls me atop him, securing me in his hold.
“Give me a few and we’ll get to round two,” he mumbles into my hair. “Won’t take long.”
“Overachiever,” I say.
“Nah, I just can’t get enough of you. Besides, I think the rest of your body needs the same attention you just gave your tits.”
“You just like that I smell like you.”
“Fuck yes, I do. And I want to smell like you. Bottle that shit up and I’ll shower with it every day,” he says, and I wrinkle my nose.
“Gross.”
“Look at me,” he demands. “It’s not gross. I fucking love you. I am in love with you, Isla Cole. I want you with me all the time, however I can get it.”
Tears sting with how overwhelming his words make me. I haven’t trusted him for so long, but I know he means what he says. He always meant it, that just wasn’t enough.
“I…” Words won’t form past my racing heart.
“Shh, you don’t have to say anything. I’m not telling you because I need you to say it back. You should know it though; I should reinforce it like I should have always done. I’ll tell you every day and even if you can never say it back, that will be okay.”
Love is a commitment I’m not ready for. It doesn’t matter if I feel it, professing it is a level I’m not on. Of course, I love him… again, or still. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t cared about him or what happens to him, but that’s different than actively being in love. It’s different than putting the security of my heart back in his hands.
“How will it be okay?”
Cillian’s hand pets the side of my head while he contemplates his answer. He doesn’t look unsure, or as confused as I feel. If it was as easy as looking to him for all the answers, I’d believe he had them all stashed away in his mind. He’s sure. I’m firing every nerve ending in my body with how uncertain I am.
“It will be okay, because I have faith in you, in me, and in us. We’ve always been meant to be, in one way or another. I’ve forgiven myself for not coming home to find you after I fucked everything up, I’ve forgiven you for not telling me about Sadie. I felt the hurt and I let it go. Because I’m not keeping room in my heart for anger, resentment, or regrets when it can be filled with love, laughter, and Sadie’s infectious smiles. Even if you still have hate for me the day I die, I’ll know that from this day forward I’ve loved you to my fullest. And that I’ve been the best father to our daughter. So, that’s how I know it will be okay.”
“I don’t hate you,” I whisper.
“Then we’re already okay, aren’t we?” He presses a kiss to the crown of my head, the steady beat of his heart against my ear. Cillian makes it all sound so simple. And maybe some of it is as easy as just deciding. But the thought of being back with Cillian turns my stomach into a tornado and I don’t know if it’s butterflies, knots, or both.
* * *
We fell asleep in that position, Cillian cradling me against his chest. A few hours later, I wake similarly, except my lips rest against the pulse at his neck and his dick presses hard along my thigh. Resting my chin on my folded hands, I watch him sleep for a few minutes, letting everything that’s passed between us settle.
Therapy has taught me to sit with my emotions, to feel them, like Cillian said. Feel the hurt, then let it go. I want to let it all go. For myself and for my family. For my future that inevitably includes this man. Clearly how we move forward is up to me; he’s been direct enough about that.
Cillian is in love with me. When I think about it, honestly, I’m still in love with all the parts of him that haven’t changed. His passion for his career, the way he’s easy to laugh even when he’s angry about something, or at me. He still likes my fiery temper, and we still have fun together when we’re not at each other’s throat. Which happens less often by the day. That only leaves the parts that had me falling out of love with him.
