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Except, those parts are present. Not here and now. He’s not the same person he was in the ways that count. Neither am I, yet he loves the me I am. The version of Isla Cole that’s more vulnerable, emotionally weaker, doesn’t always have her shit together, and is sometimes much too afraid of change.
It’s partly why I have lived in the same place I have for so long. I think I always wanted him to show up on my doorstep. It’s why I’ve refused to get a new car even when mine is on its last leg. New things feel daunting and out of control. Maybe that’s why I question him as much as I do, because letting New Cillian into my heart means I no longer have control of what happens to it.
Is Cillian Wylder worth the risk of another broken heart?
Yes.
Am I ready to go all in with him? No. I am ready for the idea that we can make this work though. And that alone is a giant leap for me. For us.
Trailing my fingers down his chest, I revel in the way his skin reacts beneath my touch. Even in sleep, he’s aroused by my touch, his cock twitches and it’s enough to make me wet. Needy. Slowly, I slither down the bed until I’m on my hands and knees between his widespread thighs and my vision is filled with his strong, veiny dick. It’s mouthwatering.
“Cillian,” I call as I run my cheek up his length.
“Isla.” His sleepy moan carries down to me with the involuntary tap his cock makes on my tongue. “What are you doing, love?”
“I’ve talked so much shit about you over the years, I think you need to wash my mouth out a few more times.”
“Fuck, Isla,” he says, his eyes wide open now. “You’re a goddamned siren.”
I hum along his erection.
“How awful has your badmouthing been?”
“So bad,” I pout. “Filthy.” I run my tongue around his sack and his hands come to grip either side of my head.
“Then I guess you owe me. Open.” As soon as I do, he pushes in hard and holds it. The end of his dick tickles my gag reflex, but I adjust quick enough, relaxing as best I can. “Jesus, that’s a pretty sight; you choking on my cock.”
Cillian slides out so slowly before quickly pushing back in. He gains his pace quickly, still holding my head where he wants it. There isn’t much for me to do except play my tongue over and around him, moan against him, and raise my ass as far in the air as I can because I know it enhances his view. His eyes don’t close, they don’t look away, even as tears from the intensity stream down my face. He encourages me to take more and more. Every word he utters to me is soaked in the same desire that’s bleeding out of my every pore.
I know when he’s close, when his body takes over and he loses that last thread of easy control he’s had. His muscles bunch, tightening with the impending release, his words become breathier.
“God damn your mouth is talented, that tongue of yours… pure fucking magic.” One hum of agreement and he’s bursting down my throat. “Swallow it all, you little thief, take all of your punishment.”
Oh, fucking gladly.
It isn’t with ease, but I do keep up, swallowing it all and sucking him clean until he starts to soften in my mouth. I’d have stayed here longer but Cillian yanks me up his body, bringing us face-to-face.
“Best way to wake up, ever,” he says, nuzzling his nose against mine.
“You did promise me another round before we passed out.”
“Sorry, baby. You feel free to wake me up anytime you want to have a go around.”
“It’s that easy, huh?” I laugh.
“Mmm,” he agrees. “My body feels like an insatiable teenager around you, I want it all the time.”
“I want this,” I blurt out before my brain has a chance to form a web and tangle all my words up.
“This,” he repeats, his eyes bouncing between mine, looking for clarification. “Us?”
“To try. I can’t say that I… I can’t make promises. Not yet, but I want to try again. I want to see what we can be now.”
Cradling the back of my skull, he pulls me in for a long, deep kiss. I feel his arousal waking up again between us.
“I’ll never let you regret it, Isla.”
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