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Morbidly curious, I tilted my head to one side, watching as they took turns mothering a wild animal. “Should you be touching that thing?”
“Reggie.”
“Reggie,” I corrected, shuddering when Gibsie tickled its little underbelly. “Animals in the wild can carry diseases, you know.”
“Look at him,” Claire cooed, holding the prickly creature up for me to pet. “How can you even think that about something so precious?”
“Yeah, so…precious.” Achingly aware that I, too, was mothering something equally as precious to me in my womb, I took a safe step back and shrugged. “Listen, all I need is directions to Johnny’s house and I’ll be on my way.” Grimacing, I added, “And you guys can have all of the quality time you want with, uh, little Reggie.”
82
Flying High, Falling Low
JOEY
Blood on the walls.
Blood on the floor.
Vacant blue eyes.
Terrified brown eyes.
Disappointed green eyes.
Faces of loved ones I continued to let down flashed in front of my eyes in the darkness, sending my anxiety to levels I couldn’t cope with.
Trembling from head to toe, I stared at the unfamiliar ceiling, feeling the cold seep so deeply into my bones that I briefly pondered if I was on the brink of death. I could hear my heart still thundering in my chest, but I was numb and my limbs felt lifeless.
Cloaked in darkness, I scratched and tore at my arms, desperate to rid myself of the unbearable itching sensation just beneath the surface of my skin. Knowing that the hunger threatening to eat me from the inside out had little to do with food, I twisted onto my side and swallowed down a mouthful of bile.
Get the fuck up.
No, just lie down.
Don’t you dare stay down.
Go into the bathroom, find a razor, slit your goddamn wrists, and be done with this nightmare.
Don’t worry, Peter Pan. I’ll be your Wendy.
Think of the baby.
“Molloy.” Licking my cracked lips, I forced myself to twist onto my side, and then, when the movement didn’t cause me to spew my guts up, I pressed on and slowly pulled myself into a sitting position at the edge of the bed.
Pain.
It was everywhere.
In my arms.
In my eyes.
In my ribs.
In my heart.
There wasn’t an inch of me that didn’t ache anymore.
