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“Because you’re turning over a new leaf?”
“Because I’m fucking ashamed of myself,” I came right out and told her. “Of what I exposed you to. How I treated you.”
There was a long stretch of silence, where I swear I could hear the sound of my own heart thundering in my ears, before she spoke again. “So, two weeks without anything, huh?”
I nodded again. “Yes.”
“Yeah, I’ll be back in five,” I heard her say. “I’m owed a cigarette break… Yes, Julie, I know I don’t smoke, but I cover for you at least seven times a day when you take yours, so I’m having one.” The line was muffled for a few moments before she returned. “Okay, I’m back. Julie’s just being a greedy bitch.”
“Picking fights with coworkers, Molloy?”
“No more than usual.” There was a bite to her tone that she didn’t try to conceal. “And Shane Holland? How many weeks have you been clean of him?”
“The same.”
“How can I believe you?”
“I don’t know.” I exhaled a heavy sigh. “All I have is my word.”
“I want to believe you, Joe,” she whispered down the line. “So badly.”
But you can’t. “I get it,” I replied, roughly clearing my throat. “We both know that I haven’t been the kind of fella you could put your faith in.”
“You didn’t call.” The accusation was there in her voice. “Not once.”
“I couldn’t.” Grimacing in what felt like physical pain, I forced myself to give her my truth. “I only got my phone back this morning.”
“From who?”
“From Tadhg.”
There was a pause. “Why did Tadhg have your phone?”
“Because I needed to not have it.”
“Because?”
I grimaced. “You know why.”
“Joe.” She breathed heavily into the phone, and I didn’t have to be there to know there was a tremor running through her body. I knew because the same tremor was running through mine. “You’re really clean?”
“Yeah, Molloy.” For you. “I really am.”
“Then what are we doing here? Why am I here and you’re not?”
“I need more time.”
“To do what?” she snapped. “To fuck around?”
“To get myself straightened out,” I corrected gruffly, narrowing my eyes. “Don’t even fucking go there when you know that I’m not looking at anyone else.”
“Well, if you’re clean, then why can’t we just…” Stopping short, she blew out a shaky breath and said, “You know what? Forget it. I won’t beg you again. If you’re not calling to get back together, then hang up the phone.”
“Molloy.”
“I mean it, Joe. Don’t call me again. Not unless you’ve changed your tune.”
The line went dead, and I let my head fall back against the concrete wall.
