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“No,” she warned when I reached for her hand. “Not here, Joe,” she bit out, blinking her tears away. “I can’t do this here.”
Swallowing harshly, I shoved my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie and attempted to sit straight and not sway.
“Look at you,” she said, as tears trickled freely down her cheeks. “Wake the hell up and look at yourself, will you!”
Stiffening in my chair, I tried not to let her words wholeheartedly consume me. “I love you.” Panicking when she didn’t respond, I reached for her again. “Aoife—did ya hear me?”
“Yeah, and you love that shit you inject into your veins more.” She batted my hand away. “I don’t want anything to do with that kind of love. Keep your love for the drugs.”
“What do you want me to say?” I demanded, feeling lost and fucking broken. “You asked me to come and I’m here.”
“I don’t want your words, Joey,” she cried. “I want action.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
She shook her head. “I’m not like the rest of them, you know. I’m not ever going to give up on you.” Sniffling she added, “Remember that, Joe.”
“Why tell me that?” I asked, thoroughly fucking rattled by her words.
She looked me dead in the eyes when she said, “So you can stop disappointing me.”
93
Teardrops and Text Messages
AOIFE
“Are you feeling okay?” Casey asked on the first Saturday in May. We were sitting on the footpath outside my house, watching as Podge, Alec, and several other lads kicked a ball around on the green across the road from my house.
“No,” I replied, not bothering to lie. The blasé facade I used for the rest of the world was exhausting, and after a long week of bullshit smiling at school, I was running on empty. “I’m tired, I’m fat, and I’m going out of my mind with worry.”
Casey didn’t ask me why. She was all too aware of Joey’s behavior these past few months.
“Where is he now?”
“At work, supposedly.”
“You don’t believe him?”
“I don’t believe anything he says anymore, Case.”
I can’t afford to.
That was the sad truth.
Keeping my eyes trained on the football match unfolding on the green, I shook my head and shrugged. “Dad says he’s been showing up for his shifts, but I just… I don’t know.”
“Oh, babe.”
“Don’t say ‘Oh, babe’ like that,” I begged, repressing a shudder. “I’ll cry and I really need to not cry anymore, okay?”
“He’ll come right, Aoife,” she said. “He will.”
“Maybe,” I whispered, chewing on my lip as my gaze flicked to my stomach. “But I need him to do it now.”
“When’s your next scan?” she asked, reaching a hand over to rub my bump that was discreetly hidden beneath an oversized hoodie. “The anomaly one is coming up soon, isn’t it?”
“No, that’s the one I had last week.”
