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I could only hope in time that he would forgive me.
That he would be able to understand why I had to do it.
Why I had to go.
The Kavanaghs would give him a good home.
They could give him what I never could.
“Stay, Joey,” Darren pleaded, voice breaking. “I can’t do this without you.”
“You’re going to have to,” I deadpanned before stepping around him and opening the door. “Don’t let them down.”
Don’t hold them back like you held me back.
Let them have the life we were both deprived of.
Stepping outside, I closed the front door behind me, pulled my hood up, and moved for the wall, only to stop dead in my tracks when my eyes landed on Molloy.
She was standing in the middle of the driveway, in a pair of yellow pajama bottoms and my hoodie, with her arms folded across her chest.
“You were going to leave without telling me?” Her tear-filled eyes flicked to the bag thrown over my shoulder, and devastation and fury encompassed her features. “I’m not even worth a fucking goodbye!”
Of course she was worth a goodbye. She deserved an explanation more than anyone else on this planet. Problem was, I couldn’t tell her any of that to her face. The only way I could give her my truth was on paper. On pages of paper that I had neatly folded in the ass pocket of my school trousers. On pages of paper that I had planned to put through her letterbox.
“Look at me.”
I couldn’t. She was my breaking point. If I looked at her, I would do what he did and that might be the right thing for me, but it wasn’t the right thing for her.
“Goddammit, Joey Lynch, you better look at me.”
“Aoife, please.” I could feel my tears soaking my cheeks, but I didn’t look up. “Just let me go.”
“I can’t.” Her perfume filled my senses when she closed the space between us. “I won’t.”
“I have nothing to give you,” I said brokenly. “I’m not good for you. Why can’t you get that into your head?”
“I don’t care about stuff, Joey,” she cried, throwing her arms around me. “I only want you.”
“I’m done.” I had to be. For both of their sakes. Trembling, I reached into my pocket and retrieved the folded-up letter I’d written her after leaving Shane’s. “I’m done dragging you down with me,” I whispered, slipping it into the front pocket of her hoodie without her noticing. “I’m sorry.”
“Please!”
“I can’t.” I would not turn her into the woman in my kitchen. I loved her too much to allow that to happen. My father didn’t do the right thing for the mother of his children, but I would do it for mine. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t go,” she cried out, when I stepped around her and moved for the road. “Please. Please don’t go, Joey. Joey! I love you!”
I love you too.
More than this life.
“I know,” I forced myself to shout. “And it’s not good for you to love me.”
“Joey, I need you.”
“No, you don’t!” What she needed was for me to get the fuck away from our baby before I turned him into another version of me. Another version of his grandfather. “You need to let me go, Aoife. That’s what you need to do!” It was the only thing I could do for her. It was the right thing to do for her.
“What about the—”
