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Not having that made me feel off-balance.
Maybe that was unhealthy, but I’d take it over sticking needles in my veins any day of the week.
“Good,” she sniffled. “Now kiss me and make it worth it.”
Wholeheartedly complying with her wishes, I leaned in and brushed my lips against hers, shivering when I felt the familiar jolt of excitement shoot through me at the feel of her lips on mine.
Shivering, she wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered the words, “Ride or die, Joe.”
My heart gunned ferociously in my chest, because I knew she meant it, and when I whispered the words, “Ride or die, Molloy,” I knew I meant it, too.
More than anything.
146
Better Days Are Coming
AOIFE
Secretly thrilled that Joey was handed a two-week suspension from Tommen, I soaked in every second of having him with me. Because the truth was that I felt better when he was around. More stable. More supported. More like me.
Unlike when I was with my mother, I didn’t feel embarrassed or inadequate when I had to ask him a question about AJ. It was like home economics class all over again and I had the best partner. He was so patient with me, even when I didn’t have any patience for myself. For the first week of his suspension, he rarely left our sides. By the second week, he managed to coax me out of the house with the prospect of hitting the shop. The boy knew my weakness and targeted it with unapologetic deviousness.
“How would you feel about taking a spin over to the manor?” Joey asked on Tuesday morning as he drove us back from the doctor’s office after taking our son to his two-week checkup.
The Pogues’ “Rainy Night in Soho” was playing on the radio, and the lyrics were curling around my heart like a little blanket of warmth.
“Everyone will be at school, so it’ll just be Edel and Sean,” he was quick to add, reaching across the console to give my thigh a reassuring squeeze. “Nothing too stressful, I promise.”
“Of course, Joe,” I replied, snatching his hand up in mine. “God, I’m sorry, I didn’t even think that you would want to bring AJ over to see your family.”
“I want to bring the both of you over,” he corrected gruffly. “But it doesn’t have to be today if you’re not feeling up to it.”
“Why wouldn’t I feel up to it?”
“You’ve had a hard couple of weeks, Molloy.”
“So have you.”
He snorted. “Hardly.”
“You’ve literally done every single night feed for the past seven nights.”
“Because you’ve literally grown a human for the past nine months.”
“You think I can do this, right, Joe?” I asked, looking back to check on AJ, who was nestled in his car seat in the back of my car. “You think I can be a good mam, right?”
“I don’t think it, Molloy. I know it.”
“I’m getting better at it, though, right?” I chewed on my lip, feeling another horrible wave of uncertainty. “It’s just that I love him so much, Joe. Every time I look at him, I get completely overwhelmed thinking about all the things that could go wrong. All the things I don’t know. The thought of doing something wrong or making a mistake with him makes the anxiety inside of me multiply until I can’t breathe.”
“I feel the exact same way,” he replied, squeezing my hand.
“You do?”
He nodded. “With you, Molloy.”
My breath hitched and my heart squeezed tight. “Joe.”
