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I shook my head.
“Don’t make jokes,” I whispered, still shivering as the adrenaline inside of me slowly dissipated. “Not yet.”
Sookie touched her wet nose to my bare thigh and nuzzled gently, distracting me.
“Look at you,” I whispered, giving her my attention.
It was clear from the white hair on her face that she was an old dog.
“You’re so sweet.” Reaching over, I placed my hand on her head and stroked lightly.
“Now this one is sweet,” Johnny stated. “She’s mine—and much better behaved than the other two.”
“Well, Sookie, you almost gave me a heart attack with your impressive hiding skills,” I added, feeling my heart slowly return to its natural rhythm. “But you’re still very sweet.”
“Are you okay?” Johnny asked, tone serious now.
I felt the mattress shift beside me, but I didn’t look up from his dog.
“I should’ve warned you that she was in here,” he added. “I’m just so used to her that I totally forgot. She can pass out for hours up here.”
“It’s okay,” I whispered, keeping my attention on Sookie.
“It’s okay or you’re okay?”
I chewed on my lip and thought about it for a moment before saying, “It’s okay and I will be okay.”
Dropping my head in my hands, I let out a low groan. “God, I’m so embarrassed. Did you guys hear me screaming all the way down in the kitchen?”
“Actually, it was just me,” he replied. “I was on the way up to talk to you when I heard you scream.”
My heartbeat quickened.
“Talk to me?”
“Yeah, your brother had to take off while you were in the shower.”
“Joey’s gone?” I croaked out, feeling a sudden surge of panic race through me. “Is something wrong?”
Johnny nodded and clasped his hands together, elbows resting on his huge thighs.
“What is it?” I squeezed out. “Tell me, Johnny!”
“It’s, ah, it’s your ma, Shannon,” he finally said, tone gruff.
“What about my mam?” I whispered. “Oh my god, is she dead?”
“No, no, fuck no,” Johnny hurried to say. Turning to face me, he exhaled a pained sigh, took my trembling hand in his big, warm one, and said, “She had a miscarriage.”
She had a miscarriage.
Your mother has lost the baby, Shannon.
Feel something! Feel something, dammit!
I was dead on the inside. I had to be. That, or I was downright evil.
There was no other explanation for it.
