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Sniffling, I turned inward and buried my face in his side, answering his question with actions.
Johnny’s arms came around me, pulling me close, and I clutched his shirt in my hand, fisting the fabric tightly as sobs racked my body.
“I’m here for you,” he told me, voice gruff and thick as his hand moved in slow circles over my back. “If you need someone to talk to”—he pulled me closer—“I’m right here.”
I couldn’t stop crying and I wasn’t sure if it was the fear of facing my father pushing me over the edge, or my mother’s miscarriage, or the emotions building up inside of me because of this boy whose arms I was currently in. Unable to get a handle on myself, and desperately seeking the comfort and safety that oozed from him in waves, I did something incredibly reckless.
I crawled onto his lap. Johnny’s entire frame tensed, and his hands fell away from my body, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. With my knees on either side of his thighs, I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck.
“What do you want me to do, Shannon?” Johnny strangled out. “Tell me what to do here.”
“Hold me,” I sobbed, burying my face in his neck. “Don’t let go.”
“Okay.” One of his large hands cupped the back of my head and the other moved to my back as he held me to his chest, slowly rocking me on his lap. “I won’t,” he whispered, folding me up in his arms.
Trembling, I clung to his body and prayed for him to be my strength in this moment because I couldn’t do this anymore.
I couldn’t live like this.
I was so alone.
All my life.
I was so scared.
37It’s Your Birthday
SHANNON
I spent a solid twenty minutes wrapped up in Johnny’s arms as I desperately tried to get a handle on my emotions. Finally, when I didn’t feel like I had another tear left inside of my body to shed, I pulled back to look at him.
His blue eyes burned with sympathy as he watched me carefully.
“Hi,” I sniffled, feeling embarrassed.
“Hi,” Johnny said gruffly as he smoothed my damp hair back off my face and over my shoulder.
“Thanks,” I croaked out, resisting the urge to press my cheek into his hand.
“For what?” he asked thickly, tucking loose strands of hair behind my ears.
“Holding me and not letting go,” I offered weakly.
He smiled sadly. “Anytime.”
“Do you want me to go now?” I asked, feeling uncertain. “Now that I’ve drenched your shirt and neck?”
Johnny shook his head and repeated those same words from earlier. “I want you to stay with me.”
“You do?” I sniffled, tightening my hold on his neck.
He nodded slowly. “Yeah, I do.”
“Okay,” I whispered, heart racing violently.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, blue eyes burning holes in mine.
I quickly shook my head, knowing that I wanted to block it all out and concentrate on the one good thing in my life.
