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“Are you going to talk to me?” he asked then, voice low and gruff.
Again, I shook my head, too embarrassed to look at him.
“So, what?” he demanded. “You’re just going to ignore me altogether?”
I shrugged helplessly. I knew what was coming if we spoke. He was going to give me the talk. And right now, with my emotions frayed and my stomach churning from anxiety, I honestly didn’t think I could hear that talk.
I couldn’t take his rejection.
“Shannon,” Johnny growled, clearly frustrated.
Flicking on the indicator, he pulled onto the side of the road and killed the engine.
Oh no. Oh please, god, no.
“Shannon.” Turning in his seat, he pushed the armrest that separated us up and twisted his body to face me. “We need to talk about what happened back there.”
“I’m sorry,” I got there first and said. With my heart hammering in my chest, I turned in my seat and faced him. “I am so sorry.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry,” he replied, blue eyes burning into mine. “What happened in my room?” Shaking his head, he released a pained growl. “I didn’t expect it… I didn’t expect you.” His breath fanned my face as he spoke, causing my body to shiver involuntarily. “I don’t regret it,” he added. “And I don’t regret you doing that—”
“But?” I filled in, keeping my eyes trained on my hands folded on my lap, knowing full well there was a but coming.
“But I’m leaving in a couple of months, Shannon,” Johnny finally said. “Once the summer comes, I’ll be out of here and I won’t be back until school starts.”
“I know,” I whispered, clasping my hands tightly together.
Joey told me all about it.
He was leaving to be a big star.
“That’s the way it is for me,” Johnny added gruffly. “And it’s only going to get worse—longer stints away. More traveling. Permanent moves. That’s what’s coming down the line for me. Down the very close line. It wouldn’t be fair of me not to disclose that now.” He sighed wearily and ran a hand through his thoroughly disheveled hair. “You need to know that I’m not going to be here for much longer.”
“I know,” I whispered, feeling the burning ache in my chest. “And I know I shouldn’t have kissed you,” I choked out, voice torn. “Okay? I know that. It was wrong. I understand. I just…I just…”
“You just what, Shannon?” he coaxed.
“I thought you liked me,” I strangled out.
“Jesus Christ,” Johnny groaned, dropping his head in his hands. “Of course, I like you.” He tugged on his hair and sighed. “I think it’s pretty fucking clear that I’m mad about you.” Exhaling a pained groan, he added, “But I’ll be eighteen in May, Shannon.”
“I’m sixteen,” I whispered.
“I know, Shannon, fuck I know,” he groaned, voice torn. “But I’m trying to do the right thing here.”
My heart fluttered uncertainly. I didn’t know what to think or how to feel. He was rejecting me and telling me he liked me at the same time, and it was too much for my heart to take.
“For who?” I croaked out.
“For the both of us,” Johnny strangled out. “My career is taking off and I need to stay focused. And you deserve someone who can put you first.” He ran a hand through his hair again, looking both stressed and tired. “I can’t do that.” He looked me right in the eyes and said, “I want to—I really fucking want to. But I’m not in the position to do that for you.” Exhaling heavily, he added, “I can’t give you a relationship, Shannon, and it would be selfish of me to ask you for something I can’t follow through on.”
There it was. The rejection I’d been waiting for.
“I didn’t ask you for a relationship, Johnny,” I choked out, thoroughly humiliated. “I’ve never asked you for anything. So, don’t worry about giving me the let-me-down-gently talk because it’s unnecessary.”
Johnny released a frustrated growl. “I’m not trying to let you down, Shannon, I’m trying to figure this out with you—”
“Listen, Johnny, I’m really tired,” I whispered, turning back to face the window. “I just want to go home now.”
