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Far out in the distance, I could hear her.
“Oh my god, Gerard.”
My heart was thundering in my chest.
“You’re okay. Shh, shh, it’s okay.”
My feet were moving.
“It’s me. You’re safe.”
My hands were reaching for her.
“I’ve got you.”
But I couldn’t see a thing.
“Shh, baby, I’ve got you.”
My pulse was roaring in my ears.
“I’m right here with you.”
The waves were lapping over my body.
“Open your eyes, Gerard.”
Her touch was crushing my soul.
“Come back to me…”
“Fuck!” I choked out, physically coughing and spluttering violently as the phantom sensation of drowning continued to cause havoc on my psyche. “Claire?” Frantic, my eyes sprang open. “Claire?” The fog lifted from my mind, and I felt like I could suddenly see again. “Claire?”
“It’s me.” A pair of familiar hands wrapped around my waist from behind, causing my entire body to simultaneously stiffen and jolt. “I’m right here, Gerard.”
And then I could smell her shampoo, the washing powder her mother always used on her clothes, the feel of her chest pressed to my back as she cradled my body against her.
Relief.
It flooded my body with such force that it eradicated every ounce of adrenaline that had been thrashing around inside of me, leaving me a broken mess in her arms. “Claire.”
“I’ve got you.”
When she put her hands on my body, I didn’t flinch. I didn’t feel the familiar swell of panic that consumed me when I was grabbed from behind.
I didn’t have to open my eyes to know that I had somehow managed to sleepwalk into her bedroom. Again. It was the only place my legs ever took me. It was the only place I could breathe.
I also didn’t have to look behind me to know that she was wearing her favorite pink unicorn onesie. I was so familiar with the fabric that I recognized the feel of it against my back as she continued to hold me.
Her senses became my senses, and I found a way to anchor myself in the moment. I found the strength to drag the present version of me out of my nightmares. Out of my past.
“You’re safe now.” Claire’s voice was filled with a quiet, assured confidence that I desperately clung to in the moment. She had a right to feel confident. She had been the unfortunate candidate thrust into bringing me back from the edge every day since the drowning. “I’ve got your back.”
Claire Biggs had a lot of things.
My back.
My attention.
