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“He doesn’t.”
“You can’t know that.”
“Hey, maybe my brother needs to sit next to your brother, Shan,” I sniffled, blowing my nose again. “He needs neutering like Brian.”
“That’s the spirit,” Lizzie praised. “Stiffen that upper lip, Baby Biggs.”
58
3:00 a.m.
CLAIRE
Time was supposed to be a healer, but several hours had passed and I still felt every blade of betrayal in my back, without a hint of letting up. My emotions were in turmoil, and I kept switching between thinking I made a terrible decision to doubling down on my decision to protect my poor battered heart.
Was there a chance I had it wrong and was overreacting? Of course, but my heart wasn’t nearly wise or weathered enough to take another risk. How could I willingly put my heart back in the ring with Gerard’s when every time in the past it had been KO’d?
When my bedroom door opened, and Gerard appeared in the door a little after 3:00 a.m., like the lyrics of my favorite Busted song, I wasn’t even surprised. Just sad.
“Will you do something for me?” he asked in the darkness. Taking my silence as a nod to continue, he asked, “Will you take a walk with me?”
“A walk?” Wow. I didn’t recognize my own voice. It was croaky and hoarse.
“Please.”
I could hear the seriousness in his tone. It was the only reason I threw the covers off and whispered, “Okay.”
“Thank you.”
Weary, I slipped into my dressing gown and toed on my slippers before moving for the door. “Just around the cul-de-sac, okay?”
“Whatever you want,” he replied, following after me.
“So,” I said when we stepped into the night air and Gerard pulled the front door out behind us. “Is this a ‘deep and meaningful talk’ kind of walk, or an ‘outrunning your nightmares’ kind of walk?”
It was at least -2 degrees and the sky was crystal clear, which was a no-brainer indicator of frost and ice, but Gerard clearly didn’t seem to notice. Walking beside me in a T-shirt and sweatpants, he emanated heat.
“It’s more of an ‘I fucked up and I can’t sleep from the guilt that’s eating me alive’ kind of walk.”
My feet momentarily faltered, but I quickly recovered, desperately trying to keep my composure. “So, you were with Catwoman?”
“Not last Saturday night, I wasn’t,” he vowed. “I was in the past, but haven’t been in a very, very long time.” He reached for my hand, only to pull back at the last moment and sigh heavily. “I promise you faithfully that I haven’t looked at, let alone touched another girl since last Easter.”
“Okay.” I shoved my half-perished hands into the pockets of my dressing gown. “I believe you.”
“Don’t,” he warned, voice thick with emotion, clearly noticing my physical retreat.
“I have to,” I whispered brokenly. “I’ll never get over us if I don’t try.”
“Don’t,” he repeated, gray eyes locked on mine. “Don’t let it go.” He swallowed deeply. “Don’t get over us.”
“Gerard…”
He reached a hand between us and trailed his thumb over my bottom lip, not stopping until his hand was in my hair, tilting my face up to his.
“Don’t do it.” Trembling from head to toe, I reached a hand between us and covered his mouth with my hand. “Not if you’re going to backpedal again.” Expelling a shaky breath, I trailed my tongue over my bottom lip, tasting my trepidation. “Because I honestly don’t think my heart could take it.”
His eyes were focused entirely on mine in this moment as he slowly raised his hand to mine and peeled it from his mouth. “I meant it the first time.” His chest was heaving from the sheer force of his breathing. “I meant it the last time.” Hooking one strong arm around my waist, he pulled my body flush against his. “And I mean it now.”
