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I couldn’t breathe.
“Oh god.”
I couldn’t breathe!
Collapsing in a heap on the ground, I lost all control of my upchuck reflex and vomited profusely.
“Looks like someone had too much to drink,” Ronan McGarry snickered when he walked past me heaving my guts up at the side of the building.
“Looks like you need to mind your own business,” Shannon hissed, sounding almost feral as she dropped to her knees beside me and shielded me from everyone’s view.
“Well, if it isn’t the little mouse who finally found her voice.”
“Oh, fuck off, Ronan!” Shannon snapped.
“What did you…”
“I said ‘fuck off!’” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “Now!”
“Jesus, relax,” he muttered before stalking away in a huff. “You girls are crazier than your asshole boyfriends.”
“Shan.” Reaching for my best friend, I clung to her as my entire body racked with violent tremors and my stomach continued roll. “He raped…he raped…he raped…”
“I know, Claire. I read it, too,” she replied, crying softly as she cradled my head to her chest. “Poor Gibsie.”
The minute she said that, another wave of hysteria washed over me. “I need to f-find h-him!”
“No, no, no,” she tried to coax through sniffles. “Not here, okay? Not like this.”
“I have to!” I practically screamed as I tried and failed to get to my feet. “I have to ta-talk to h-him…tell someone what I just read!” On my hands and knees, I pushed myself up, and this time, my trembling legs managed to keep me upright. “Shan, did you read it?” I couldn’t see through my tears, as I looked around wildly for her. “Did you r-read what that l-letter said?”
“I read it,” she whispered, pushing my hair back off my face before gently prying the letter from my hands. “Listen to me, and this is very important, okay?” Sniffling, I nodded, watching as she carefully folded the letter and placed it inside her bra. “You need to not react right now.”
“But I just…”
“I know,” she urged, clutching my shoulders. “I know, and you know, but Gibsie doesn’t know we know, and now is not the place for this conversation. Not in front of all these people.”
“I can’t pretend I didn’t s-see it,” I choked out, throwing my arms around her. “I can’t, Shan. I’m not b-built like that.” Not now. Never again. I’d let too many things slip on by throughout my life. The constant bullying from Lizzie. The mean jokes and jibes at his expense. His lifetime of discomfort living in that house with those people. Dee’s predatory grooming of him.
No.
No more.
Not this time.
“I’m not asking you to pretend,” she replied, comforting me. “I’m asking you to say nothing. At least for now. Not here, okay?”
“But I…”
“Don’t do it,” she begged with a sniffle. “Don’t make him relive his worst memories in the middle of a school dance.”
“I have to go to the authorities with this, Shannon!”
“I agree, Claire, I do, okay? But not here. Not this night.”
“What am I supposed to do?” I sobbed. “I can’t just pretend.” I had to talk to him. I had to talk to Sadhbh. “Mam,” I strangled. “I need to call my mam.”
“Just follow my lead, okay?” she replied, hugging me tight. “We’ll get through the dance, and then we’ll figure out what to do next. I promise I’ll look after you.”
