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“So, he could be anywhere?” Mam demanded, and then cast an anxious glance in my direction. “He could be still in Ireland?”
“Please try not to worry, Mrs. Allen,” the detective continued to say. “The relevant authorities are working tirelessly to see that man located and prosecuted to the full force of the law.”
Rolling my eyes, I retrained my attention on the game of Snake I was playing on my phone.
“And don’t you worry either, Gerard,” the detective added. “Every effort has been put in place to ensure your protection.”
“Whatever you say,” I replied, thumbs tapping furiously on the keypad of my phone. “Either way, I wasn’t worrying.”
“Gerard,” Mam sobbed, reaching a hand over to place on my arm. “You’re perfectly safe now, pet. The locks have been changed and we’ve been granted an order of protection from the courts.”
“Good to know, Mam,” I replied with a nod, my attention trained on the snake jetting around the screen. “Fuck, this round is a tricky one.”
“I don’t know what to say to him,” Mam told the detective. “He keeps brushing it off.”
No, I didn’t keep brushing anything off. I was trying to live my life the same way I had lived it since she moved those assholes into my house.
All of this shit might be new and terrifying for my mam, but I’d been living in a constant state of fear for ten years, unlike the ten days she had under her belt. What she was feeling now was what I had felt every time the clock struck bedtime.
“You are remarkably composed.”
“I’m remarkable, period,” I replied, choosing not to tell him that the drugs the psychiatrist had prescribed me were remarkably effective. I felt sorry for Joey, the poor bastard, knowing that he would never be prescribed another ride on the roller coaster of narcotics like I had been.
“There is also the matter of Deirdre O’Malley,” the detective said. “Without your statement, the DPP are unable to go any further with the prosecution.”
“Well, that’s fabulous news,” I declared, setting my phone down. “The first bit of good news I’ve heard since this whole fucking mess kicked off.”
“Mess?” Mam gaped at me. “Gerard, pet, this is your life we’re talking about.”
“I know it’s my life we’re talking about,” I shot back. “I’m the one who’s been living it.”
She flinched and then a sob tore from her throat. “I didn’t know.”
I didn’t know.
Three words that in my limited experience in life were about as useful as putting a condom on your dick after sex. If I had a euro for every time someone had said “I didn’t know” to me this past week, then I would be a wealthy lad. I knew it was said with good intentions, but that didn’t help. I didn’t need Mam or anyone else that I loved to validate their ignorance or reaffirm how they didn’t do me wrong. I knew they didn’t know. That’s how it had to be. That’s how I stayed alive.
“Gerard,” Mam snapped. “That woman abused you!”
Actually, that woman had kept my head from going under at a time in my life when I was drowning, but I didn’t bother explaining that to either one of them. Because I knew what Dee had done was wrong. She’d stepped over lines that should never be crossed, but that didn’t mean that I wanted any hand in being her judge, jury, or executioner.
“Son, you’re going to have to talk to one of us,” he pushed. “We have statements from several students at Tommen College to confirm your statement—if you would just give it to us in writing.”
“I am talking to one of you,” I replied calmly. “I have talked to all of you, but I’m not saying what you want to hear, so they keep sending more of you to talk.” I shook my head. “I’ve made my mind up.”
“Gerard,” Mam sobbed. “Please reconsider.”
“I have made my mind up, Mam.”
_______________
“Happy now?” Johnny demanded when he sauntered into my room later that night with the DVD box of Love Actually in hand. “I had to pry the bleeding box from Tadhg’s fingers.”
“Kid’s got good taste.”
“On the contrary, lad, I think it’s safe to assume that his attachment to the film has a lot more to do with the full-frontal nudity than Hugh bleeding Grant.”
“Ah, I’d hardly call it full frontal,” I snickered. “You can only see yer one’s tits.”
