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“Are you sure you’re warm enough, pet?” Mam asked late Saturday night when she walked into the sitting room to check on me for the hundredth time.
“Yes, Mam.”
“I can put another block on the fire.”
“It’s warm enough, Mam.”
“Are you sure now, love? Because I don’t want you to be cold.”
“Mam, all I’m short of is a fucking apple in my mouth and you could roast me on a spit,” I shot back, gesturing to the roaring fire in the fireplace, and then to the fact that I was clad in a pair of shorts. “Relax, will you? I’m grand.”
The concern in her eyes assured me that she had no intention of ever relaxing again. “What about you, Claire, pet?” Mam’s attention flicked to the blond leaning over the coffee table opposite me, trying to block my view of the dice she rolled in our current game of snakes and ladders.
“I’m grand, thanks, Sadhbh,” Claire replied, tongue peeking out of the corner of her mouth as she craftily skipped over a snake on the board game. “I’m roasting, actually.”
“Cheater,” I accused, snatching her counter and pushing it down the snake. “You rolled a four.”
“I rolled a five,” she argued, but it was a half-hearted argument because she was the world’s worst liar with two apples for cheeks that gave her away. “Don’t make me go down the snake, Gerard.”
“It’s not me.” I laughed, holding my hands up. “It’s the rules of the game.”
“Then break the rules,” she encouraged, giving me a pleading look. “For me?”
Rolling my eyes, I gave in and set her counter down on her chosen spot.
“You’re the best,” she cheered, shimmying and dancing on the spot before snatching up the dice again.
“Hey, it’s my turn.”
“Yay! Two sixes.” Ignoring me, Claire moved her counter up another ten spots before offering me a gleeful smile. “I love playing with you.”
I’m sure she did. Since our truce on New Year’s Eve, that’s all we seemed to do. Play board games where she cheated and I indulged her. It was almost like nothing had changed between us.
Almost.
But it was still there, my secret still hanging heavily in the air between us, and it couldn’t be fixed. She was Claire and I was still me, but we had somehow fallen back into the friendship version of us rather than the couple. I wasn’t sure if that was my fault or because she wasn’t comfortable with me anymore. It was a mindfuck that I didn’t like to think too deeply about. Hence the board games. But one stark conclusion I had come to in the middle of the madness was this: I might not know who I was or where I fit in the world, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I didn’t want any of it without Claire Biggs.
Or Cap.
“Right, well, I’ll be out in the kitchen if either of you need me,” Mam said before reluctantly retreating from the room.
I waited for her to close the sitting room door behind her before blowing out a breath. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take, Claire-Bear.”
“Sadhbh’s just worried about you,” she replied, rolling the dice for a third time in a row and then purposefully skipping another snake she landed on. “Don’t be mad at her, Gerard.”
“I’m not mad,” I replied, leaning against the couch. “I’m just…” Shrugging my shoulders, I blew out a frustrated breath. “I’m aggravated.”
“With your mam?”
“With the world.”
Smiling sweetly, she batted her big brown eyes. “Even me?”
“Especially you.” A reluctant smile spread across my face. “You’re the worst, culprit.”
Snickering, Claire stuck her tongue out, and I swear the mere sight of her caused a swelling sensation to my heart that could be mistaken for medical complications. Lucky for me, I knew these chest pains were a direct result of the repercussions of love.
Because I loved her.
