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"What are you going to do now?" I asked, surprised by the sound of my own voice.
Nik swallowed more of the whiskey and tipped his head back while he closed his eyes. "I don't care what either of us does. I'm going to enjoy a drink regardless."
"So that's it?" I questioned, confused by his sudden lenience.
"Mhm."
I couldn’t wrap my head around it at first, but as I watched him give up his fight, I couldn’t help but see a glimmer of the man I knew in Europe.
He was being flippant and intentionally ignorant about the fuss we had just gone through, and despite how he won at last, he apparently couldn’t be bothered to care about it anymore. In a sense, I really had defeated him, even if I was the one who had been roped into signing a marriage license.
Sensing that we were on some sort of common ground because of the complete mess we had made of everything, I gave in and sat on the other end of the couch.
Despite how angry I was at him for everything, I still felt conflicted about him. We had history, and we had clicked once before. It was hard to forget about that, regardless of what he put me through after the fact.
Decisively, I reached for the bottle and took a swig from it. I caught his look of surprise, yet without any energy left, Nik didn’t say a word about it.
It almost felt like we had come full circle. We met at a bar, both dwelling on our problems with a drink. After those drinks, one thing led to another, and we were back in a hotel room experiencing the best sex either of us had ever had.
As the whiskey ran its warmth through my system, I too leaned back and sighed.
We sat like that for a moment, and I couldn’t help but find it bitterly amusing. The two of us were at the end of our rope, both lost in a strange mental state for entirely different reasons.
After a moment of silence, Nik stood from his place, went into the kitchen, and returned with another glass he placed in front of me. He returned to the couch and continued to sip his whiskey.
We were both miserable, and as everyone knew, misery loved company.
“Everybody likes to tell you what you should do with your life, but nobody warns you how fast it can get all fucked up,” Nik eventually said with some consideration.
“It’s easier to sound wise than to give advice worth handing out,” I added, appreciating the opportunity to drink something other than my family’s whiskey.
He snickered. “I moved to America for a better start for me and my sister. I joined a promising career regardless of its dangers, and now I have myself a wife. Why does it still feel like I did everything wrong?”
“Life is unfair that way,” I hummed, sipping from my glass. “Nothing will ever be right enough. Not even when you thought a certain decision would change it all.”
Nik nodded absently. “You know, I was pissed off when I learned who you really were after everything was said and done. The rest of the bullshit could’ve been avoided if you had just told me yourself.”
Letting go of a contemplative breath, I murmured, “I couldn’t even if I wanted to. You know that.”
“I suppose I do. Why put a target on your back when you could exist as someone else for a night?”
“It was nice to be anyone but a Levov for a time. To forget the baggage that comes with it,” I said, feeling as the whiskey brought me renewed bravery. “But in all honesty, it wasn’t intentional. I didn’t feel the need to tell you because I figured you had already made up your mind.”
Something that looked like a hint of pain moved through Nik’s eyes. “I have the feeling I could’ve been swayed. I would’ve felt less guilty about pursuing something if I knew you weren’t completely unaware of the city’s underbelly.”
“There isn’t anything we can do about that now.”
“You’re right about that,” he said, taking back another mouthful. After his swallow, he laughed bitterly to himself. “Despite everything, I was willing to capture you for my boss just to see you again. Suddenly, it wasn’t about wanting to impress Erasmo anymore.”
That immediate shock froze me in my place then, caught off-guard by his confession.
“I’m not deluded enough to think what I did wasn’t selfish. After I found out who you were, I was so angry that I just wanted to hear you admit it. I wanted to understand why you didn’t just tell me who you were, and as much as I wanted to forget about you, I couldn’t. I told Erasmo about you as an excuse to get you back in my life again.”
Blinking back at him, that bewilderment wouldn’t let me go. “Why even bother in the first place? You could have your pick of any woman in this city.”
“But none of them are Anastasia Levov,” he said, voice giving away how it seemed to defeat him to admit. “I walked away to keep you safe, but since you have your own connections with the mafia, I figured I might as well try to protect you as your husband. Plus, I knew Erasmo would try and get his hands on you whether the suggestion came from me or not, and I didn’t know what he would have me do with you.”
My heart dropped at the latter, aware that most women caught up in that kind of thing suffered awful fates. As much as I didn’t want to admit he was right at the time, Nik had a point.
