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“I’m serious, Jessie. Your name has come up consistently since that night. Hell, he used to look you up on social media every couple months to see what you were doing. He was too much of a little shit to send you a message after what he did, but it doesn’t mean that he ever stopped thinking about you.”
“Mark, this is nice to hear, but if he wanted to see me after the night he left, he could have. He could have reached out at any point in the last five years, and I might have been willing to hear him out. You could have said something when we started working together. So, why now?”
He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “It’s complicated.”
I cross my arms and lean against the counter, glaring at the ugly yellow walls across from me. “Make it uncomplicated for me, Mark. Why bother going out on a limb for him now when you could have done it earlier?”
“He didn’t deserve it earlier. I thought he was just pining over one woman to avoid focusing on all the other problems in his life. Then he kept talking about you every few months, and I figured out that this meant something to him. Then I met you, and saw what he saw.”
“And that was enough?”
Mark shakes his head, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly. “No. I waited longer, as you know. He needed you to make him sweat a little bit. To spend time around you and decide whether this was something he really wanted, or just something he had fixated on.”
I suck my bottom lip into my mouth, biting it slightly before exhaling. “And now you think he’s earned your help?”
“Brookes is a man who has made a lot of mistakes in his life. A lot of them, and there’s no excuse for that. He’s learned from those mistakes though. He might not be perfect, but he’s working hard to be a good man.”
My chest constricts as conflicting emotions work their way through me. While I want to believe that Brookes deserves another chance—and he’s making me believe that he deserves another chance—I still don’t know if I’m ready to risk my heart being broken again.
“I opened up to him about a lot of things that night. I told him things that I’ve never told anyone else, Mark. He did the same. And then he just walked out and left me there like none of that meant anything.”
“It was five years ago, Jessie. You’re both different people now.”
I take my hair down from my ponytail and comb my fingers through before tying it back up. “I know it was five years ago, but it’s still hard to get past that. He was the first person I’d let in for a very long time. He was the last person I allowed to see me that vulnerable.”
“Jessie, he’s hurting over the entire situation too. Even if he is putting on a brave face and trying to win you over, knowing what he did tears him apart.”
“As it should. The least he could have done is say goodbye in the morning. Tell me that he wasn’t actually going to call me. That would have been the respectful thing to do. Instead, he left me waiting for something that never came.”
Mark gives me a sympathetic smile. “Before you go letting your fears of what could happen in the future run your life, why don’t you take a chance and ask him what actually happened? His perspective.”
My stomach twists and turns as I look away from Mark. “I’ve thought about it.”
“Then what’s holding you back?”
It’s a good question, and not one I’m sure I want to answer. This feels like something too personal to talk about with Mark. He’s Brookes’ friend. He could go back and tell Brookes everything I say and then I don’t know where that will leave us.
“You can talk to me,” Mark says, nudging his hip against mine. “I’m not going to go back and give Brookes details on our private conversation. He doesn’t even know I was planning on talking to you.”
I toy with my ID badge. “Why does it matter to you?”
“He’s happier after you spent the day with him. He’s had a hard life. I would like my friend to be able to be happy all the time. If that means I have to come find you and tell you that the pair of you need to talk, then that’s what it takes.”
The corner of my mouth twitches slightly. “Mark, you don’t have to get involved in this mess.”
“I do. And I’m not going to tell anyone else what’s going on between the two of you. But you need to figure out whether you want to give him a chance, or if you want to move on, and you need to stick to that decision. Talk to him, then figure it out.”
“And what if I don’t want to get hurt again?”
“Some people are worth the risk, Jessie. Is Brookes worth that risk to you?” Mark sighs and glances at his smartwatch as it starts to buzz. “I have to go deal with this. Think about what we’ve talked about, and everything else you know about him.”
He leaves the room at a jog without another word, turning down the hall and heading toward whatever emergency is waiting for him.
I glance at the clock on the wall before taking a seat in one of the ugly chairs. There are still a few more minutes before I have to begin rounds again.
Though I know I should talk to Brookes about everything that went down all those years ago, it feels like an impossible task. Even the thought of approaching him and asking him why he left makes me feel like I have to be vulnerable with him again.
That vulnerability terrifies me. It lets him know that I’m still not okay.
