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She’s looking for anyone else to ride with, and we both know it. There is nobody else though. Most people are already on snowmobiles. There’s another pair of people in the search and rescue ambulance that will wait at the Barn for the hikers we bring back.
Because we are going to bring them back.
I’m her only option, and I hate it. A couple days ago—before my father made her doubt everything—I would have been her first choice.
The demotion from first choice to only option is one that cuts deep.
After a few impossibly long seconds, she gets on behind me. Her thighs bracket mine, the heat of her body piercing through the thick layers that separate us.
Still, Jessie sits back. She takes a deep breath, her breath forming a white cloud beside my face. Other people rev their snowmobiles to life, the sleds of rescue supplies tied behind them.
“Jessie, we have to go.” My tone is sharp, but it has to be to snap her out of whatever is going through her head. “I know this is scary, but it’s no worse than the emergency room. You need to get it together so we can leave.”
She lets out a shuddering breath, her legs squeezing a little tighter on either side of mine. I try not to let the feeling of her body pressed against mine get to me.
“Now, Jessie.”
Jessie’s hands flutter at my sides, lightly pressing against my coat. She shifts a little closer to me, pressing her body fully against mine.
As soon as her arms are around my waist, I take off after the other volunteers, the roar of snowmobiles filling the air as we head up the mountain.
Please let us find them in time.
21
JESSIE
The mountain air feels even colder as it whips against my face on the ride up the mountain. My hands shake where they rest on Brookes’ red jacket. The thick gloves are the only things keeping my fingers warm as we ride up the mountain.
I never should have gotten on this damn snowmobile with him.
I should have found someone else to ride with.
I should have volunteered to stay back at the Barn. There’s no way I’m going to be able to do this.
Four missing hikers is nothing small to deal with. I don’t know what we’re going to find when we eventually track them down. Though I hope that they are alive when we find them, I don’t know how long we’ll be able to search.
With the storm blowing in, we’re at the mercy of the visibility and the plummeting temperature.
I know firsthand what happens to people when they’re out in the cold for too long.
My heart can’t stand losing more people to the cold and the snow. Not after my dad. If something happens to those hikers, I’m going to have to look everyone in the eye and know that I failed.
I have to look Brookes in the eyes and deal with that failure. I have to see the way he looks at me once he figures out how scared I really am.
With the looks he kept giving me in the Barn, I think he already knows how scared I am.
What if something happens to Brookes up there and I can’t help him? I don’t know what I would do if we went up the mountain together and I lost him.
Brookes is going to be fine, because I’m not going to go up the mountain with him. He’ll go up with someone else, and they’ll keep him safe.
I won’t let another person I love die because I didn’t get through the snow fast enough. He won’t die because I didn’t get help fast enough.
I can’t bear the thought of not seeing those shining eyes and that boyish smile. I don’t want to miss the way he makes my heart race when he touches me. It can’t be the last time I smell his cologne.
This can’t be the last time we fight with each other because we’re both scared of where this relationship is going.
Except, it’s me doing the fighting and I know it. Brookes wants to be with me. He makes it obvious to everyone around him, and that’s the problem.
