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I open my eyes, not sure when I closed them. “Do you... not want me to?”
She freezes. “That’s not what I said.”
“But you’re brushing me off. If you don’t want to, it’s okay. I don’t want you to feel obligated, contract or no.” I don’t lift my head from her shoulder. I’m not brave enough to look into her face as I say this. “But if you want me as much as you seem to... Rusalka, I want you, too.” She didn’t use magic on me this time. My thoughts are clear, remarkably so.
I slip out of her arms to kneel at her feet. Rusalka looks taller like this, towering over me in all her perfection. Her tail flicks next to me, but I don’t understand succubi enough to know if it’s in agitation or something else.
I carefully place my hands on her thighs. “Please, Rusalka.” I lick my lips, want making me lightheaded. “I don’t really know what I’m doing, but you could show me. I want to. I really, really want to.”
For a long moment, I think she might reiterate her rejection. Instead she worries at her bottom lip. “I don’t want to be another memory that you flog yourself with at the altar of your cruel god.”
I flinch. I can’t help it. They’re right, even if I’m fighting against doing exactly that. “I’m a work in progress. I’m trying to learn to reach for what I want. For... who... I want.”
Her exhale is loud between us. Finally she nods. “If you’re sure.”
“I am.” I fumble at the front of her pants until she nudges my hands away and undoes them herself. A few quick jerks and they’re on the floor and...
Rusalka is as beautiful here as everywhere else. I got a good look at Zhenya the other night, and zir anatomy seemed similar to a human’s, at least to mine, but Rusalka is shaved except for a strip of hair above her... pussy. Almost like a direction, an invitation.
I shift closer, between their thighs, and try to remember what Inna did to me. It seems to me that sex is like any other skill and there’s a wide spectrum of experience, but thinking about it like that only reinforces how little I know what I’m doing. Sex with Jacob was a submission, a flurry of lust and shame and unfulfilled need. This is different in so many ways.
Wrong, that ugly voice inside me whispers.
I shove it away and dive into Rusalka. The shame stays away when I’m too busy feeling, so I’ll never stop feeling. Especially when the first drag of my tongue through their folds makes Rusalka moan. Just a little, but that’s enough to incite me further.
More than that, they taste... It’s so different than I expected when I dared imagine what being with someone who has a similar body to mine would be like. Salty and something unidentifiable, something good. I want more.
Rusalka shifts and spreads their legs wider. “Take your time, little one.” Their voice is breathy, but still controlled.
The permission is exactly what I need. I lick and taste and occasionally nibble, exploring them even as I pay attention to what touches and pressure makes their breathing change. I’ve spent my entire life watching those around me and adjusting my actions and words in response. I’ve never done it like this, with only pleasure in mind.
It feels like liberation.
A brush between my thighs startles me. I look down to find Rusalka’s tail. “Oh.”
“Take off your pants, Belladonna.” Their voice has gone low and sensual. It doesn’t feel the way their magic did the other night, but it weaves a spell around me all the same. I awkwardly wrestle out of my pants and kick them away. Within seconds, I’m rewarded by that tufted tail pressing to my pussy through my soaked panties. I whimper, and Rusalka laces their claws through my hair. “I love how wet I make you.”
“I love how wet I make you.” The words feel just as sinful on my tongue as her taste, and yet for the first time, that’s a thrill instead of a shame. I look up her perfect body. “Show me how to make you orgasm. Please.”
They smile, the expression somehow both caring and lustful. I didn’t know those two things could go hand in hand. They tug me gently up to their clitoris. “Right here, little one. Slow strokes with the flat of your tongue.” As I obey, eager to feel them come all over my face, they start rolling their hips in a rhythm identical to that of their tail rubbing against my pussy. Pleasure surges, driving me before it. I’m going to come again, but I refuse to let it happen without Rusalka there beside me.
I’m so busy fighting to give her exactly what she asked for that at first I don’t notice the buzzing against my tongue. How could I? My entire body is buzzing at this point. But with each stroke, it gets stronger, and I belatedly realize that her clitoris is vibrating.
I force my eyes open and watch her head fall back as pleasure takes her, as pleasure takes us both. At the same time, flames erupt at her back and form a familiar shape that almost shocks me into freezing. Wings.
When Rusalka orgasms, she looks like an angel.
16
RUSALKA
Idon’t mean to end up on the floor, but my knees won’t quite hold me after that orgasm. I lean against my desk and tuck Belladonna under my arm. She melts against me. It feels so damned right that I’m unprepared for the shame that rolls in like a tsunami.
Belladonna starts to shake. “I’m sorry.”
Once again, I have to forcibly remind myself that I can’t kill her entire family for putting these scars on her. Even if it were possible, were to feel good in the moment, it wouldn’t change the past. The scars they put on Belladonna have to heal on their own. But I’ll be damned before I let them get access to her in the future.
I keep my touch gentle as I stroke her shoulder. If she feels cornered, that’ll pull harder on all the things she’s trying to move past. “You should stay.”
