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“Now she’s dead and it’s all my fault.”
“You wish you would’ve killed me and Ace and gotten the hell out of there instead?”
Her head snaps around and she frowns at me. “No. I didn’t mean that.”
I shrug, feigning disinterest. I have no idea why this woman gets under my skin the way she does. Maybe I see some of myself in her. I also see how Ace could settle her too, if she’d just let him.
“I mean it was my idea to kidnap Mia. I dragged her into this. And now she’s gone. I never should have convinced her to go along with my stupid-ass plan.”
I shake my head, hating that she blames herself after everything she’s been through. “She was an adult, Keres. Capable of making her own decisions. She chose to try and stick that knife in Mia’s belly. She was going to kill Mia and her baby. That is not on you.”
“But she wasn’t well. She was so broken…” Tears fill her eyes and I wrap an arm around her shoulder.
“Lots of people hurt, Keres. Lots of us know how it feels to be violated and made to feel like we’re worth less than dirt, but it doesn’t absolve any of us from taking responsibility for our own actions.”
Her eyes flash with hurt. “I’m sorry.”
“About what.”
“About whatever happened to you.”
I shake my head and turn away from her, slipping my arm from her shoulder. I don’t want to share this part of myself with her because then she’ll have every piece of me. And only Ace has all of me.
She laces her fingers through mine, reestablishing our connection, and I hate that her doing that makes me feel so good. “I miss her so much, Romeo, but I also feel kind of relieved that she’s gone, and that makes me feel guilty as hell.”
“Why are you relieved?”
“Because she was in so much pain, and no matter what we tried to do to make it better, she just kept getting worse. I couldn’t stand to see her hurting anymore. You know?”
I nod. I know better than she can even imagine. “My mom killed herself because she couldn’t take the pain anymore. And I get that. I almost did the same a few months later, but…”
She blinks at me, her eyes wide and imploring, and my heart breaks open. “What did you do instead?”
I suck on my lip and tilt my head to the sky, aware I’m about to give her a piece of myself that I can never take back. But after everything she told us yesterday, I feel I can trust her to never use it against me. “I killed the fucker who hurt us both.”
She nods her understanding. Of course she understands. It’s exactly what she did too. It’s why I’ve seen so much of myself in her from the moment we met. “Who was he?”
Bile burns the back of my throat at the memory of his hands on me. “My stepfather.”
She squeezes my hand tighter in hers, not bothering to offer me any empty words of apology now because she knows they’re meaningless to people like us. I rest my chin on the top of her head.
“Do you ever get mad at her for leaving you?” she asks softly.
“I did at first. I wondered how she could leave me with him. But as I got older, I realized that for her there was no other choice. Just like your friend, Phoenix. She dealt the best way she knew how. People deal with their hurts in different ways. None of them are any harder or easier than the other. Some people turn inward. Some look for comfort in others or in the bottom of a bottle or the point of a needle.”
She lifts her head and blinks at me, tears glistening in her eyes, and I want her to stop hurting, if only for a while. I nudge her in the ribs. “And some turn into a wild she-devil intent on vengeance.” I flash her a grin, trying to lighten the mood.
It has the desired effect because she smirks. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“I’m always right, Fuck-up.”
She leans her head on my shoulder, and we sit in silence waiting for our knight in shining armor to get back.
Chapter
Forty-One
ACE
