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"It's one thing I splurge on," I said as I sat on my big couch with the view straight out to the lake.
Yeah, okay, I was familiar with irony, but I had to have a place to live, and a home was an investment. While I owned this, I was a lot less likely to ever live in a car again. Sure I could have bought a house in the suburbs, but security was a concern from time to time. Everyone who ever got a taste of fame risked having crazed fans hunt them down and do weird shit.
For example, I've had women send me their underwear in the post.
Not all of it was clean.
That was flattering, but a strange thing to do if you asked me. I stayed off social media after the last round of nude photos I got sent. That was flattering too, but it made me super uncomfortable.
I deleted them, of course, but I knew of guys who shared them with their friends. The women who sent them had no way of knowing which type of guy I was. Later, when they thought twice about sending those photos, they might wish they hadn't, and wonder how many people they'd been shared to.
Look, I'm all for body positivity and all that, but I have trust issues when it comes to things like this. If anyone gets a dick pic from the Bam-man, it won't be mine, or sent from the real me.
I didn't want my bits on the net until the end of time.
Grace raised an eyebrow at me.
"Okay, maybe not just coffee, but I don't splash the cash like it's going out of fashion," I said. "These track pants are at least three years old." Light grey, they were comfortable and girls liked them for some reason. I have no idea why. Maybe they looked good on me. I mean, what doesn't, but I got a lot of looks and smiles when I wore them.
"You surprise me," she said.
I wasn't sure if I should be worried about that.
"I do?" I asked. "Why?"
She shrugged with one shoulder, while holding her coffee carefully in the other hand.
"You seemed like the kind of guy who wants the best of everything," she said slowly. "When we first met, I thought you were an arrogant asshole."
"And now?" I asked. Did I really want to know? She might not have changed her mind about me. That would sting. Although, I've been called worse than arrogant. Much worse.
Honestly, I couldn't say it wasn't true. I had a healthy ego. There was nothing wrong with that.
Was there?
Asshole? Well that's a whole other story.
"Now… I don't know what to think," she said. "I shouldn't even be thinking about it. We work together."
"We agreed we're both adults," I reminded her.
"Yeah. Maybe the adult thing to do would be to not work together." She cupped her mug in both hands and looked down toward it.
My heart did a jig. Did that mean what I thought it meant? If she didn't work on the party, it would leave us free to focus on building this—whatever this was between us. Maybe Rubie would step in…
I watched Grace's face and my heart dropped. She wasn't thinking that at all.
"Helping those kids is important to you," I said. "You'd give that up just so you don't have to see me again?"
From the way she flinched, I hit the nail right on the head. This wasn't about spending more time with me, it was about spending less.
None.
Something happened to me which never happened before. I experienced a rush of panic. The idea of not seeing her was something I hadn't even considered. I didn't want to consider it. It would leave a hole in my heart the size of a stadium.
She spoke softly, barely loud enough for me to hear. "I should have left before things went too far last night. I didn't think. I'm sorry, it's my fault."
Did I see a sparkle of tears on her lashes? I wanted to wipe them away, but I sat frozen.
