AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Even from here, she could sense his pensiveness, which only made it harder to deny herself the shelter of his arms. She went to the table and sat down between her mother and her brother Diego. He was quiet, subdued, and it was clear Fernanda noticed. She gave Mari one of those looks that asked what was going on. She could only shrug. She didn’t have any answers.
She served up the lettuce and tomato salad, rice, beans, fried plantains, vegetable hash, and pork. She grabbed a tortilla, then dug in. Her mother’s food, which was always delicious, tasted like ash in her mouth. She only ate half, then rose. Buck pushed away from the post, but she drew her eyes to her family. “Good night,” she said. Without a backward glance, she left the patio.
“Mari,” Buck said flatly, then desperately, following her into the house. She ignored him, but he persisted and caught up to her. “Why won’t you talk to me?”
Feeling fearfully tangled up in her emotions, she clenched her hands into fists, her heart pounding so hard. Taking an uneven breath, she put everything on the line. “It’s more complicated than we thought it would be,” she said. “I need time to work through all of this…and you.”
He stared at her, the muscles in his jaw twitching, the pain in his eyes, making her ache like she’d never ached before. He reached out, and she stepped back. He dropped his hand looking hurt and sad and it broke her heart.
“I asked you to trust me, even when you thought you couldn’t.”
“I know. You’ve earned my trust. I won’t say you haven’t, but I’m tied up in knots, Buck. This is my family, our business built on generations of our kin. I just need time to work it out, and I know you’re the type of man who will let me, in my own time, and in my own way.”
“Goddammit, Mari,” he said, and she wanted to go to him, but she knew if she did where they would end up, and getting physical with him now would only make things worse, confuse her more. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Let me walk you to your room.”
Mari looked at him, uncertainty racing through her, and she tightly folded her arms in front of her, shaking her head. “No, I can’t trust myself around you.” Gripping her forearms, Mari tried to will away the thickness that was growing in her chest, a thickness that was rooted in monumental pain, confusion…and regret for how she was hurting him. Her voice surprisingly firm, she said quietly, “I need to be strong so that I can understand what all this means to me, to my family…to us.” She took a shuddering breath. “I do care for you, deeply, and I want to trust you…completely.”
“But you don’t,” he whispered. His rib cage expanded and contracted. A taut silence hung between them. His voice was raw and strained when he finally said, “I can’t say I don’t understand. I was caught, Mari, in my duty and how I felt about you. It would have been treason to tell you classified information without approval. Everything about this op with you goes against every principle I hold dear, but I work for Uncle Sam, and as much as this kills me, it’s where my loyalties are. I would be a shell of a man if I betrayed my country and my team.”
She heard his agony and felt his pain, and something broke loose in her. Her vision blurred, and she tightened her arms. She wouldn’t have expected anything less of him. That would have made her trust him less. Her throat so cramped that her jaws ached, she took a deep, unsteady breath, her voice breaking. “Believe it or not,” she whispered, “That makes me only fall for you harder.”
Buck bent his head and dragged his hand across his eyes, then inhaled raggedly. He looked away, the muscles in his throat convulsing, and she nearly broke down and went to him, but she held herself back.
“If you need me at any time, day or night, I’ll be there,” he said fiercely. “Day or night, darlin’.” With that said, he gazed at her, his expression alternating into something strong and intense as he stared at her. He held her gaze for a moment, then his jaw tensed, he turned on his heel, and walked away. Recognizing the tension in him, she watched him go, a fierce longing spilling into her bloodstream. A longing to touch him, to be held and touched back, to feel his warmth and strength around her. She almost ran after him, her heart aching for him, both of them caught up in circumstances out of their control, and their commitments and obligations burdening each of them. Buck had character, deeply ingrained and admirable. Like she said, it only made her want him more.
A half an hour later, she climbed into bed, and wrapped her arms around herself, feeling that deep loneliness almost engulf her.
She finally let the tears come—tears that welled up from the bleak emptiness inside her.
She felt terrible in the morning as she got up and got dressed, ready to talk to Kevyn Sanchez. It was a grim morning. Nearly crushed with anxiety, Mari felt disassociated from everything. Thinking it might be a good idea to have Diego go with her, since he knew Kevyn better than she did, she called him.
He answered and she could hear one of the kids crying.
“Is everything all right?” she asked, concerned.
“No, Leyla is sick, and Fernanda is over at the hotel. What’s up?” he said sounding frazzled.
She bit her lip, knowing that it would be good to have Diego there, but having to wait for him to be free wasn’t going to be smart. It would be an easy trip. In and out. She could handle this. She was the face of the brand, and she’d been able to handle anything thrown at her.
“No. I’m good.”
“Mari—”
“I’m good,” she emphasized firmly. “I thought it might be helpful if you came along, but I’ll be fine.” Of course she would be. Kevyn was an employee, trusted enough by Juan to train him, and she was offering him a promotion and more money. What could possibly go wrong?
“Are you sure. I could probably get someone to babysit?—”
“No, not when Daddy’s little girl is under the weather. You take care of Leyla, and I’ll call you when it’s done.” She disconnected the call after Diego reluctantly agreed.
When she left the house and headed for the garage, Carmen came rushing out calling her name.
Mari turned back to her, her smile only half forced. “What shoes do you want to show me now?”
Carmen’s bottom lip thrust out and she said, “None. I’m still looking, but are you going into town?”
“Yes, but?—”
