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I think that hurt me more than anything. Judgment from others was practically my birthright. I was used to it. Accepted it. But knowing he agreed? That hurt me to my core.
He balled up the paper and threw it. It hit the table and bounced over the side. “Because you can’t argue with stupid! Because telling them they’re arrogant snobs would be taken as a compliment. Because I was sixteen years old and still depended on them to live.”
“Or maybe it’s because you agree with them.”
He laughed, an empty sound. “Agree with them?” He scoffed. “If I agreed with them, why would I be here right now?”
I shrugged, my chest aching, stomach churning. I never planned to say this to him. Never wanted to admit my deepest pain. But after a mere week of existing without the weight of my personal demons, I knew I had to. I might never be as “light” as I was without any memory and experience, but I didn’t have to be this heavy either. Tears flooded my eyes, blurring my vision as reality assaulted me.
Maybe it’s time I let him go. Time to admit to myself that being his friend just won’t ever be enough.
“Maybe because you feel sorry for me.”
Incredulousness overcame his personality, so much so that he stuttered. “W-what?”
I nodded succinctly, committed to the path I’d just stepped upon. “The girl with deadbeat parents and not a penny to her name. I drive an ugly old beater, wear basic brand clothes, and while you and your friends are off at the diner or a party, I’m working one of my three jobs and studying so I can keep my scholarship. I don’t fit into your world, something your parents made very clear. I’m not good enough for you. And it doesn’t seem to matter how hard I work or what I try and prove, I’m still just that scholarship girl from the wrong side of town.”
He exhaled, dropping into the nearby chair and rubbing a hand over his hair. “I—do you seriously think that stuff?”
“I don’t think it, Ben,” I said honestly. “I live it.”
Hot anger glinted in his stare. “I’ve never treated you like that. Less than.”
“You’re right, and that’s probably why I fell in love with you.”
His head snapped up, eyes wide. “What?”
I smiled, sad. “Even knowing I wasn’t good enough. Pretty enough. Rich enough… I couldn’t stop the way I feel. You’re a good friend. The best actually. To me. To Matty.” I smiled, my heart weeping for what I was giving up. “You have a thing for strays, Ben. Beneath your sarcasm, obnoxious one-liners, and Speedo is a big heart. One that I wish you let more people see.”
“I don’t care about other people. I care about you.”
“I told myself being your friend was better than nothing at all. But it’s not,” I said, a catch in my voice.
He pushed out of his chair, and I held my hand out, silently keeping him at bay. “I lost my memory, and I loved you still. It’s an instinct for me, so easy. And you lied, Ben. An innocent lie, sure, but it showed me what it was like to have you in a way I thought I never would. I understand why you did what you did. I was right four years ago. I can forgive, but I can’t ever forget. I won’t ever be able to forget what being loved by you feels like. Even if it was pretend.”
“Pretend,” he spat. Grabbing my hand, he pushed it against his chest, pinning it there right over the frantic beating of his heart. “You feel that? That heart ain’t pretend, and you’re the reason it beats.”
I tried to pull my hand back, but he practically snarled and squished it tighter against his toned chest.
“I knew you were it from the moment my mismatched eyes looked your way. I never once questioned it. Or doubted what my heart knew. But we were so young, so I made you my bestie until I could make you my wife. I let my parents think I was their obedient pedigree son, and they paid for my entire education while I was silently building a portfolio, a life they would have no control over. A life worthy of someone like you.”
I drew back. “Me?”
He nodded. “You’re so damn brilliant. So full of determination and strength to make your own way. How could I not do everything to make you mine? So I started playing the stock market, investing the allowance my parents gave me every month, then eventually reinvesting my own gains. I even own some real estate too. It took me some time, baby girl, but I did it. I built a whole kingdom to bring you home to.”
My mind was reeling. Everything I forgot then remembered. Everything I believed was being challenged. I was overwhelmed. Confused. I wanted so badly to believe what he was saying.
“Please don’t say things you don’t mean,” I whispered.
Releasing my hand, he palmed the back of my head and drilled his stare into mine. “I call you final girl not because of your terrible movie addiction but because that’s what you are. Not my charity case. Not a stray I found on the street. Not even my best friend. You’re it. The one. The only. My final answer.”
His voice turned soft, eyes apologetic as his thumb appeared to gently swipe away the tears I hadn’t even noticed I was crying. “I should have told you all that from the beginning because what the fuck good is a kingdom if it doesn’t have a queen?”
I couldn’t say anything, my heart, words, and oxygen all clogging my throat like some epic traffic jam on a single-lane street.
He cleared his throat. “In case you didn’t get that… you would be the queen.”
All of it burst out of me in the form of a sob, and I melted forward, burying my head against his chest, face turned into his neck. His arms wound around me, one hand sliding up to cup the back of my neck.
