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Tyler smiled. “Thanks for coming. And the socks.”
“Don’t be a stranger,” Finn said as he turned the car and backed up.
Tyler stood and watched him bump down the dirt road. He thought of everything Finn must have gone through with Dominic. He suffered far worse than I ever did, and he is living testament to putting your demons behind you. Although he didn’t know what traumas Finn continued to relive. Was he as happy as he let on? Certainly his relationship with Brandon was, Tyler could see that a mile away. How was he so strong? What was his secret? Tyler wished he had the same. Someone to lean on, someone to hold him when the pain became too much and the flashbacks threatened to drive him insane. But he’d never had a real relationship with a man, only cruising from one bed to another. He glanced across at Holden’s house and imagined what Finn had suffered there. The violence and blood-shed the house had seen. Brandon had killed Dominic. He had killed a man for Finn. A shiver passed through him. It made him see the sheriff in a whole new light. He would perhaps be even more intimidated by him when they next met. But then again, Tyler had killed men too. Lots of men. Those memories were a part of the flashbacks and the reason why he would never sleep easy again.
He saw Holden standing in the kitchen then and he froze. Holden did too. He lifted a hand in a stiff, awkward gesture. Tyler returned it. He turned to go back inside. As he propped his crutches against the wall so he could close the door, he heard the door to the house open and Holden stepped out.
“Hey,” he called.
“Hi,” Tyler said with his hand on the door, using his other hand to balance himself against the wall.
“How’s your leg today?”
“A bit better, thanks.”
“That’s good.” Holden stepped out onto the stretch of land separating their respective houses. He approached cautiously as though Tyler was some sort of wild animal who might bite. “Listen, I found some tins of paint and some brushes in the garage.” He gestured behind him vaguely. “If you still wanted to… when you feel better.”
Tyler opened his mouth to say he had changed his mind about fixing up Holden’s place and stopped. He remembered Finn’s words. They could be good for each other. Even if he didn’t mean it that way. It wouldn’t kill him to open up and lean on someone. But Holden had enough troubles of his own. Would it do Tyler good to let someone lean on him in turn? Altruism was good. It would make him feel good in turn to help Holden out. Especially after that shit he had pulled with the blackmail. So mean. He could start with the work on the house. And then maybe Holden would forget for good that he wanted Tyler out of the annex.
“Sure,” he said. “If my leg feels okay tomorrow, I’ll be over to start.”
Holden smiled. His teeth were perfect rows of pearly-white. Tyler’s stomach clenched. He felt his shorts tighten. Oh wow, I really am crushing hard on an older guy.
“Great,” Holden said. He hovered for a moment. “Want a beer?”
Tyler glanced at his watch while he thought of his reply. It was four p.m. Reasonable enough. Tyler liked to drink, though. He had to be strict with himself or it would be way too easy to slide down. He regarded Holden for a moment. What was his angle here? Company? Something more? Feeling sorry for him? He knew Holden was gay after all. Would a guy his age really make a serious play for Tyler? And wouldn’t it be welcome? Hell, yes. Tyler had never done a silver fox before. He’d love to see this one squirming beneath him.
But Tyler didn’t shit on his own doorstep. A one-night stand with a guy with the power to evict him was as bad an idea as it could get. But what if he rejected Holden and then the guy threw him out in spite? His head hurt from the permutations. Why couldn’t he just accept a friendly offer of a beer as something that maybe had no strings? He could sit and chat with Holden without sex looming between them, couldn’t he? He hadn’t told Holden he was gay and he didn’t think he had made it obvious he found him attractive, so surely Holden didn’t know, right? But Holden was gay. That meant he had gaydar and that meant he knew that Tyler was crushing on him. Now he felt that his head was going to explode. He also felt that he wanted to kiss Holden badly. Needed to.
“Yeah,” he said, against his better judgement.
Holden smiled again and Tyler’s cock thickened and begged to come out to play.
Chapter Five
Holden
Why did you ask him in? Why, why, why? Are you going to make a pass at him? Drop to your knees and beg to suck his cock?
Over and over the thoughts went around in Holden’s head as he flipped the tops off two beers. He could not make a pass at a guy in his twenties. He could not. He would be more humiliated than he had ever been in his life when Tyler rejected him. But you like the humiliation, a sly voice said. We already established this. If he grabbed you by the hair and made you suck his cock until you choked, you’d love it.
He clenched his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut while he took a few deep breaths. Tyler waited for him in the living room. He had no idea why he had invited Tyler over for a beer other than to make a pass at him. He should have been upstairs staring at the winking, accusing cursor on his blank document. He’d rather drink to inebriation then drill Tyler into the couch. Or vice versa. Being fucked was all a part of the addiction. Guaranteed to humiliate him if the man was a rough, uninterested lover. Something Holden was driven to choose over and over again to make himself feel as low as it was possible to get. Would Tyler treat him that way? And didn’t that make his cock hard to think that he might? It shouldn’t have. When was he going to look for the right sort of person and the right sort of sex?
While Tyler was a cool customer, Holden was pretty sure he was gay, and maybe a touch interested. Are you sure? Are you really sure? Why exactly would he be interested in you? What do you have to offer?
The sly voice had a point. Really, what did he have to offer Tyler? But what did Tyler have to offer him? Well, his youth and his firm, fit, strong body for a start, if incomplete. He thought about Tyler’s missing leg. If it bothered Holden so much, why was he still keen to fuck him? Because of the addiction. Because maybe you’re not remotely into him, he’s just someone you’ve been forced into proximity with, someone vulnerable and open to manipulation. He felt sick at that thought. No way could he be the big bad wolf with a younger man. Wrong on so many levels. He wished he knew what was real and what was his addiction calling the shots. He wished they were equals who could fall in love without baggage strangling any chances they might have. Whoah, who started talking about the L word?
He took his final deep breath and walked back into the living room. “There you go.”
“Thanks.” Tyler took the bottle.
Maybe it would have been safer to sit outside where there would be less chance of Holden doing anything stupid, but it was too hot. Despite the lack of air-con, the house was blessedly cool. He could just bet it would be fucking freezing in winter.
He sank into the chair opposite and tipped his bottle, watching when Tyler did the same, noting the bob of his Adam’s apple when he swallowed and longing to trace it with his tongue.
“Was that the guy from the diner visiting?” he asked.
“Yeah. Finn.”
