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“I said it’s fine. You don’t really think I have any complaints about that, do you?”
Holden said nothing. He eased Tyler onto the mattress and put a pillow under his stump. “Now why don’t I make you that breakfast?”
Tyler smiled. He lay back and closed his eyes as he heard Holden’s footsteps retreating. The pain was still there, of course it was, but the warm water and the massage had helped. So had the sex. He felt himself drifting on a tide of relaxation with the afterglow still soothing him.
Chapter Eighteen
Holden
Finn was sitting opposite Holden at the kitchen table once again, looking like he was going to a firing squad and Holden wished he was anywhere but here and doing anything but this. If it makes us both feel so bad, why are we doing it? He’d rather still be warm and satisfied in bed with Tyler, that was for sure. He felt his cock twitch, because of course it would. The addiction didn’t care where he was when he got sexual thoughts. It just wanted more, and more, and more, and God, he wanted more of Tyler all right. He remembered last night, gazing up at him as Tyler drove into him, hitting his prostate with each thrust and sending him clean out of his mind. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had it so good. And Tyler had proved that Holden didn’t need the dirty talk or the humiliation. He hadn’t called Holden a slut or whispered filthy little encouragements as he’d fucked him. He hadn’t taken him face down and hurt him, just because he could. He’d been tender, and respectful and all the things Holden didn’t know.
Holden had been the one to make it dirty that morning, bending over and sinking onto Tyler’s cock as soon as he got out of the bath. But it had been good. So fucking good.
He tried to focus, but he felt close to tears when he remembered Tyler’s behavior towards him last night. As though Holden actually meant something. As though what they had done had meant something. And then he thought of how vulnerable Tyler had been that morning, needing his help, and the pain he dealt with on a daily basis. Could he step up and be the man Tyler needed? How could he ever put anyone else’s needs first when he couldn’t even control his own behavior from day to day? After the bathroom sex, he’d made breakfast as promised. He’d received a text from his editor telling him an advance had been paid into his account and he’d almost punched the air in relief when he’d seen how much it was. But that put the pressure on. He had to complete the project and that meant coaxing more heart-breaking truths from Finn, which he didn’t enjoy at all. He’d have to offer him at least half the advance. It was the right thing to do. Maybe he should just give him all of it.
He and Tyler had eaten together and exchanged small talk that morning. All Holden could think of was when they could fuck again, and he didn’t want to think like that. He wanted to enjoy Tyler’s company, not let sex be the only thing he wanted from the guy. He’d left Tyler to sleep after getting the go ahead from Finn to come over, knowing it was for the best to give the guy a break from his relentless sex drive.
He swallowed, finger hovering over the button on the recorder. “Are you ready?”
Finn nodded.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Do you want some more coffee? You look kind of hungover.”
Holden laughed, because he wasn’t hungover, he was just well fucked. Maybe Finn knew that and was being polite. Maybe seeing as Finn was spilling his guts, Holden could return the favor and spill his own. At the end of this. “I’m fine,” he said.
“Okay.”
“All right.” He pressed the button. “Where are your parents, Finn? Where were they when Dominic was abusing you?”
Finn squeezed his eyes shut. “I left the house as soon as I could after I met Dom. My mom tried to call me an awful lot, but I didn’t answer. My dad died of a heart attack a couple of years after I moved out. I saw the death notice in the local paper. Dom wouldn’t let me go to the funeral. I’m not sure I wanted to go anyway. I hated my dad.” He picked at some loose skin at the side of his thumb nail, worrying it.
“And your mom? Where is she now?”
Finn shrugged. “I guess she’s still in Iowa. I haven’t heard from her. I thought maybe after… after Dominic died, she might have heard and she might have been in touch. I suppose she wouldn’t know my number though. I didn’t even have a phone until recently.” He trailed off, looking down at his hands.
There was a silence. Holden didn’t exactly have a plan. He just wanted Finn to talk and then he could mold his story into chapters, a cohesive timeline. “Why don’t you talk to me about your escape?”
Finn sucked in his breath and let it out in a shaky sigh. He raised his gaze to Holden’s with a laugh. “I still can’t believe I had that in me.”
“I can,” Holden said. “And I only just met you.”
Finn blushed. “I drugged him with the same ones he used on me. I had a bag ready that I’d kept hidden for so long, waiting for the right time, to gather my guts. I stole money from him on a regular basis and squirreled it away, a dollar or five dollars here and there. I never had my own money when I was with him.” He stopped and took a sip of water. Holden waited. “When he was passed out on the couch, I thought about killing him. I thought I probably should because I knew if he caught me, he’d kill me. And yet, something stopped me and it wasn’t the fear of jail. I guess I thought I still loved him, even after everything he did to me. Isn’t that stupid?”
Holden shook his head. “No.”
“I took a bus and at every stop, I told myself he was going to get on, drag me off, take me home and fucking kill me. I shook and I cried and people stared at me like I was losing my mind. I was so afraid I nearly just went back.”
“But you made it here.”
“Yeah. I saw the notice in the general store for the house for rent and I put down most of my money right then. You should have seen the guy’s face as I pulled out this bag of coins from my backpack. He was horrified.” Finn laughed.
“And you met Brandon?”
The smile that lit up Finn’s face was something to behold. Holden knew he had never smiled like that about anyone in his life, not even Leo. Would he smile like that if someone mentioned Tyler’s name to him?
“Yeah. I’d decided to drown myself in the lake that night.”
