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“What?” Holden stared at him.
“I couldn’t take the fear, the loneliness. I was locked up in that house and scared to even set foot out for groceries. I got drunk and went down to the lake. Instead of doing it, I started pissing up a tree. Brandon was driving past. He stopped and told me how unimpressed he was.”
Holden smiled.
“I was horrible to him. I suggested that he go eat some donuts.”
Holden laughed. “He must have loved that.”
“He did. He nearly arrested me. I wouldn’t have minded if he had. At least I would have felt safe for one night. Instead, he drove me home, then he came in to look around the house when he saw how scared I was.” Finn shook his head. “Man, I was an embarrassment.”
“Don’t say that.”
Finn drank some more water. “Anyway, Brandon, he seemed pretty keen to find out the truth from me. I fell for him in a big way, but I was desperate not to let my guard down. I didn’t think he could protect me if Dom came for me and I didn’t want to be that guy who needed protecting.”
“So?”
“So, I slept with him, then told him I was going back to Dominic. He was mad, and upset, and he begged me and I told him I had to. I didn’t see another way for my life to go. I thought…” Finn’s voice trembled. “I thought my life was over anyway. I couldn’t live in fear waiting for him to come for me, so it would be better just to go back and let it happen.”
Holden waited with his chest aching.
“Anyway, Dominic came for me before I could go back, and he tried to kill me, and Brandon waded in on his white horse.” Finn squeezed his eyes shut. “I saw the bullet go through the side of his head. I saw the light go out of his eyes.”
Holden let the silence hang heavy for long seconds, before he asked, “Did you mourn Dominic, Finn?”
Finn caught his lip between his teeth, tears streaking his face, and nodded, and Holden realized that out of everything Finn had confessed so far, this, to him, was by far the worst.
When Finn was more composed, Holden made them both grilled cheese sandwiches. They sat eating, with glasses of orange juice.
“How’s Tyler?” Finn asked.
“He’s okay.” Holden found himself blushing as he remembered that morning and he caught Finn’s grin. “What?”
“You like him.”
Holden smiled. “Yeah.”
“He likes you.”
“I hope he does.”
“Have you…?”
“Yeah.”
Now Finn’s eyes were dancing with delight. “Great. Was it good for you?”
“You’re kind of up front, aren’t you?”
Finn shrugged. “After all I just told you, the least you owe me is whether you had a good time in bed with Tyler.”
“Fair enough. Of course I did. The best time.”
Finn cocked his head. “But I sense some reservation.”
Holden sighed. “Lots of things. Me and my issues. His leg. His other stuff.”
“By other stuff, you mean PTSD?”
