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Finn flinches, but Elias appears between Edgar and us. He looks at me for a split second before turning to Edgar.
“Killing Darkflies? That wasn’t part of the exam,” Elias says in a neutral tone. Kallos and Nekane show up a moment later and give us all grim looks.
My arms are wrapped around Raine. He’s still warm and some part of me is holding onto hope that they can help.
“Go, now,” Elias growls and Edgar levels me with one final glare before picking up his fallen comrade and following Nekane and Kallos through the portal. Lucina trails behind them. “You guys too.”
Finn, Kai, and Corvus hesitate but Elias fists his hands and they reluctantly go, leaving me sitting in the ashes of the forest with my beautiful Raine sleeping upon my lap. His black hair is tangled with twigs, so I slowly start pulling them out. I rock myself as I whisper to him, “It’s okay. I’m here, Raine.”
Elias remains quiet for a few seconds before he kneels beside me, speaking softly now that we’re alone. “He is gone, sweetheart.” His voice is uneven. I look at him through blurry eyes. He swallows thickly and tears brim in his eyes.
“He can’t be,” I sob, pulling Raine closer and pressing my cheek against his. My eyes widen at the absence of warmth; his skin is quickly cooling.
The ruinous lump in my throat won’t fade and my eyes burn with tears. I brush my thumb over his cheek and whisper, “I love you too, Raine. I should’ve told you.”
Elias carries Raine’s body back through the portal and I sway absently beside Finn’s throughout the end of the exam ceremony.
Emerai is accompanied by the Empress of Fernestia, Raven. Her presence is formidable, but my mind and cares are elsewhere. They discuss what comes next for us here, what is expected as we prepare for the last stretch of war.
Finn holds me tightly and whispers reassuring things into my ear. I wish I could hear him. I can only feel his kindness and the sorrow he sends me.
Once the ceremony ends, the surviving students retreat to their dorms.
But I can’t go back to mine, not ever. Not to where Raine slept in my bed, not where his scent is still very much alive in my sheets. I want to die with him. It’s my fault.
Arthur intervenes as I walk to the Cosmos dorm alongside Finn and Kai. Finn keeps his hand protectively over my shoulder. Kai looks so tired and worn down. His eyes are swollen from the tears shed today. I’m not sure he can even make it back to their room.
“Good evening. May I speak with you, Terra?” Arthur looks troubled and has a sympathetic look on his face like he already knows what happened during the exam.
I nod. “I’ll be there in a second,” I tell Finn.
Once he and Kai disappear down the hall, I look up at Arthur. The smooth planes of his cheekbones are hollow and his eyes carry so much dreariness.
“I’m sorry about Raine. He was always at your side, and there’s something to be said for a companion so loyal.” Arthur brushes a stray tear from my cheek. His soft gray eyes search mine.
“I don’t want to forget him,” I choke out, my voice wavering and choppy with my erratic breaths. It hurts so badly—I can’t accept it.
Arthur pulls me in close. His black tactical gear and white cloak smell like torn pages and like… like Za’Afiel's empty hallways.
“I will remember him for all of you, don’t worry?—”
I cut Arthur short as I shove him away and turn, running as fast as I can down the corridor toward the southern tower. Arthur hurries behind me. “Terra, where are you going?” he calls out but I don’t stop running.
I unclasp my white, bloodied cloak and let it fall to the tiles behind me. I take the path I remember from when Elias brought me to the manor before, finding the black door in an abandoned room. I don’t wait for Arthur, throwing the ebony door open and jumping into the portal without a second thought.
The second my feet land on the other side I run through the cold, dark hallways. Silence and frost are all that stir here. Arthur’s footsteps sound behind me.
“Terra, must we do this?” he says exasperatedly. “What are you looking for?”
I stop at the edge of the stairs and look back at him. His long, black hair is disheveled from the chase and he takes deep breaths.
“Raine’s heart.”
It’s here. It has to be, that’s why I couldn’t heal him. His heart wasn’t really there. It was a fake. It’s here. It is here.
Arthur’s face pales and he sucks in his lower lip before shaking his head slowly. “Oh, little shadow… no. It’s not here.” His voice trembles and my knees threaten to give out on me again.
“It’s here. That’s why it didn’t work,” I say shakily and start down the stairs. Arthur follows quickly after me. The dreary mansion is as cold as the water in the lake out front of Alkrose. My bones chill with each step I take and the lump in my throat becomes harder to swallow.
