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I trudge into the thick snow at the entrance to Za’Afiel. The snowstorm is raging and visibility is low. Arthur lets his hand fall heavily on my shoulder.
“Terra. There’s nothing here but graves.” His voice is strangled and I know he’s thinking of all the children who were sent here to perish, buried beneath the snow in this awful fucking place.
Deep down, I know I’m in denial. I know it. But my body moves desperately all the same and my mind won’t stop spinning.
I ignore him and walk to the cellar. The air is colder than before, the mildew scent distant from the frost. Arthur doesn’t stop me as we walk down the steps slowly. I nudge the door open and step into the room at the bottom.
The piles of hearts that were once fluttering and alive are now mainly still and gray, a reflection of all the death the day brought. My lower lip trembles and Arthur lets out a low breath.
“Terra, I know this is hard, but there are no?—”
“You can’t see them,” I shake my head and tears spill down my cheeks. “You can’t see the hearts just like Elias couldn’t, but they’re here. They’re all… dead.” I hang my head and let out an agonized scream.
Arthur lets me scream until my lungs can’t conjure the air any longer, standing still beside me with anguish burning his eyes.
My breaths are raspy and hurt so fucking bad.
He’s really dead, isn’t he?
“It’s m-my fault,” I croak and press my palms to my eyes. “He’s dead. And it’s all my fault. I can’t live with this, I can’t.”
Arthur steps closer to me and offers me his hand. I look up at him, my eyes stinging, but he simply smiles. His long, dark lashes kiss his cheeks as he shuts his eyes. “Take my hand. I want to show you something.”
54
Terra
Iplace my hand over Arthur’s. The moment I do, warmth and soft whispers swarm me.
It takes me a second, but Raine’s presence engulfs me entirely, as if he’s standing right next to me again and giving me looks or hugging me. I can’t see anything, but I can hear him. Feel him. Smell his crisp scent. Tears spill from my eyes. I want nothing more than to be here forever.
When I open my eyes, a sense of both loss and acceptance overcome me. Arthur stares back at me, his mouth turned in a sympathetic smile, one that’s not meant to be happy, but sad and reassuring.
“What was that just now?” I ask, still feeling Raine’s touch on my skin and his scent lingering around me. I wish I could wrap myself up in him and never wake up.
Arthur lowers his hand and lets go of me. The connection to Raine instantly ceases. “His memories,” he says softly. “I will always have them. I’m the keeper of memories, after all. Anytime you find yourself losing pieces of him, I will show you. Again and again, if I need to.”
“Arthur… thank you.” I stare at his hand and feel more like myself again. The pain is still very much present, but there’s something light about knowing I don’t have to forget Raine like I’ve forgotten the others. There’s a small amount of solace in that.
He nods and tilts his head. “Can we get back to Alkrose now? I’m afraid we’ll freeze if we stay here much longer.”
I decide I’m not going to wait for Elias to tell me when I can give Arthur his heart. The exam is done and I have to do it now.
“I have something I need to give you.”
My room is dark, the only light my fireplace that never dies out. Arthur takes a seat at the edge of my bed as I rummage through the bottom drawer of my wardrobe.
I find his heart, still ebony and fluttering softly like a bird. My hands twitch as I recall how still and unmoving Raine’s heart was. I take a deep breath and calm the war in my head. There aren’t any tears left in me tonight.
Arthur raises a brow at me as I extend my hands to him, cupping his beating heart and wondering if he’ll be able to break Emerai’s hold on it.
“I know this looks like a stone, but trust me, this is your heart.”
He raises both hands to accept it. His eyes widen the moment the stone touches his palms and the black heart pulses faster. My own quickens as Arthur’s eyes narrow.
“Terra, how did you?—”
“Why would you go and do that, sweetheart?”
