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Arthur doesn’t answer my question. He only presses his lips into a firm line as he carefully observes the students. “He isn’t talking to Terra. That’s odd,” he says more to himself than to me. He pulls out his journal and jots some notes down. I’ve learned that note-taking is the only way Arthur retains things. Perhaps the Shadow within him devours little pieces of him so he has trouble remembering. I’ve always wondered why he’s so attached to his little notebooks.
I lean back in my chair and glance over to the Nova table again. Terra looks weary and doesn’t talk with anyone besides Raine.
Perhaps some of her emotions are returning to her. I think she’d be better off leaving them muted, but no one listens to me anyway, so I’ll just let things play out. “She’s fine. She turned off her emotions.”
Arthur grins somberly. “I know, and yet she still suffers.”
I don’t have time to delve into how he could possibly know that.
“You need to brief me after this so I’m up to speed with everything,” I mutter and let my eyes trail unwillingly back to Terra.
8
Terra
The headmaster congratulates the students who survived the Culling. Based on the red snow that I saw from the bridge to the Nova House, several died or were severely wounded. Then the headmaster moves on to the classes and how we are expected to behave.
The only thing that results in execution or punishment is trying to escape the grounds or directly assaulting an instructor. Students are permitted to fight and it’s essentially lawless, so I’m relieved to be in the separated Nova House. At least until I look around and see all the glares and sneers we are getting from the other tables.
Emerai makes it clear that we are the elites here.
“You’d think they’d be more afraid of us,” Edgar snarls as he crushes a hard piece of bread in his fist. Crumbs roll across the table and Vinnie looks sharply at him, cursing under his breath with fear flickering across his eyes.
“Edgar,” I snipe at him but he only throws that unfamiliar, hate-filled gaze my way.
Ash pokes at his food and doesn’t bother adding his thoughts into the mix. Everyone else listens intently to the headmaster. One thing is apparent: everyone at our table is certainly afraid of the Novas. The threat of blight is enough to seal the deal for anyone who doesn’t want a death sentence. Lucina and Raine’s eyes bear the mark and I don’t miss Rowan and Tamaris’s glances at them.
Raine takes notice too and lowers his chin, staring down at his empty plate. I want to urge him to eat, but I feel the emptiness inside my heart too. How are we supposed to function after everything the last twenty-four hours have brought? My eyes linger over everyone’s plates; hardly anyone is eating.
Emerai closes his speech with a well-rehearsed statement. “Remember, the Culling Assessment was just the beginning of your time here at Alkrose. The second-semester exam is eleven weeks from today and half of you will not survive it.” His voice rolls through the silent dread around us. I dare glance over the crowd and see fear in everyone’s eyes. A few mouths drop open. “But your sacrifice will not be in vain. The strong Shadows will learn and shine amidst the horror. Be brave. Face death boldly.”
The headmaster bows and leaves us to eat and have the night to ourselves in preparation for the classes tomorrow, but how can anyone have an appetite after that? I swallow hard and glance up at the professor’s table. Elias’s eyes are homed in on me and it makes my skin prickle. A sigh escapes me as I quickly advert my gaze.
Try to focus on something else, I tell myself. Classes, think about the classes. Studying and training just became a top priority for me. Our schedules are in our journals, already placed in our rooms. I make a mental note to look mine over when I get back to my desk tonight.
Edgar’s companions talk quietly amongst themselves. Edgar eats in silence, sharing words with Lucina. Raine has a distant look in his eyes. He’s probably thinking of Bennie. Of his own inevitable demise or even mine.
I lift my eyes across the table and find Ash staring at me. His gray eyes are filled with more shadows and grief than I myself have. A small smile pulls at my lips. I can relate to that. “Hey.”
Ash sharply looks away. “What?” he mutters.
I consider him for a moment. He purposefully sat away from his old friends even though they keep peeking over at him, obviously eager to speak with him. “Are you okay?”
He glances up with surprise and a bit of hostility. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He’s so thin, with sunken cheeks that tell me he hasn’t been eating as he should or maybe has been exerting too much of his Shadow.
“You just look like you could use someone to talk to.” I reach my hand out and set it on top of his.
His eyes light up and fury flickers across his face. “Don’t fucking touch me!” Ash snarls. Raine stiffens beside me and a low growl rolls from his throat.
Ash glares at us both and shoves out of his seat, storming out of the mess hall. The others watch him with confusion pulling at their brows. Guilt ebbs in my stomach; he didn’t even eat. He’s so thin… I stuff a few rolls and fruits in my pocket to bring back and leave at his door.
I force myself to eat a few bites of the roasted meat and mashed potatoes on my plate before I call it. No one spoke to Raine or me over dinner, so I don’t bother saying anything as I stand to leave. Raine silently follows. I’m thankful I at least have him, a constant in all this chaos.
The only thing I want right now is to lie down and sleep, curled in his arms. Elias’s too. I look up at where the instructors are seated and can’t help the longing I feel when our eyes connect.
Elias’s stare is heavy and lingering as I look away, still very much aware of his gaze. I wonder if he’ll steal me away in the night. Gods know I want him too.
We’re halfway down the great foyer before footsteps echo in the hall behind us.
