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“Terra.” Finn’s voice is firm and desperate.
Raine and I both turn to face him. I reach for Raine’s arm, but he flinches away. I wince. It still stings when he does that, but I understand he has his own demons.
“You can head back. I’ll be fine,” I tell Raine. If Finn really wants to hash this out now, then so be it.
Raine doesn’t move for a few seconds but eventually recedes, giving me one last look before walking down the long hall alone.
Finn waits until we can no longer hear Raine’s footsteps before leading me outside. The cold night air takes the breath from my lungs and burns with icy dryness; it’s a sensation of existence and quite frankly, in this moment, it’s very much welcome. This has all but felt like a dream since everything went to shit in Barkovah.
Armed soldiers man the entrance, reminding me that this is very much a prison and not a typical academy. The tactical gear they wear is black from head to toe: vests, jackets, pants, and headwear. Only their eyes are visible; their mouths are covered with black masks. Assault rifles hang loosely in their hands, the muzzles dangling at their feet. I’ve pieced together that most of the lower-ranked soldiers have guns and use them primarily over their powers. Is this the fate of Dvars, Tauri, and Polaris Shadows? At least they’re alive and not fed to the wolves.
I notice more walking the grounds in the distance, tracing a path that appears to circle the castle.
Finn steadily leads us up to the lakeside. The ice is thick and glistens with moonlight. It’s not that late, but the winter sun cycle has the evenings starting early, and the peaks of the mountains make daylight hours appear even shorter than they already are.
Finn stops along the edge of the lake. Neither of us looks at the other. It’s awkward; the tension is palpable between us.
“How, uh, are you?” he asks, rubbing the back of his head.
I repress a cruel laugh. That’s really how he wants to start our conversation? How very like him. “I’m alive. How are you?” I say, annoyed.
Finn leans down and picks up a skipping rock from the shore. He spins it a few times as he mutters, “Not great. Martin… He died this morning.” He throws the rock and it skirts over the ice of the lake, making an odd sound that reverberates through the air.
Martin is dead. For some reason, I find it hard to compare his death to the rest of our village. So I say coldly, “Our entire town is dead, Finn.”
“Mm,” he grunts his acknowledgement.
We stand in silence for a few more moments before he speaks again.
“I’m sorry for leaving you in Navasik.”
Amser curiously ventures closer to the surface of my skin, beckoning for his Shadow. I’m sure he feels the pull within himself too. It’s proof that we are not the same people we once were and there’s nothing in this world that can change that.
When I don’t respond, he turns his head and I can’t fight the urge to look at him any longer. My eyes lift to his and all my walls threaten to come crumbling down. Finn’s amber eyes are a sea of burnished sap, orange and hot like a sunset on fire. His jaw is sharp and tense; strands of his lovely ebony hair flutter softly in the light breeze.
He tentatively reaches his hand out and brushes my cheekbone. The warmth of his fingers seeps into me, making me grit my teeth.
“I don’t think sorry will ever fix this, Finn.” I clench my fists at my sides. His brows pull tightly together as anguish fills his expression. Amser brushes against his Shadow where his hand rests on me and it hums with delight. Our Shadows seem to like one another, but I have to draw the line there.
I take a step back and his hand falls back to his side. “What you did can’t be undone.”
“Terra, I thought I was keeping you safe. I was afraid my father would come after us and you know how he was… I didn’t know all this would happen. I couldn’t have known.” He looks down at the ground.
It’s all too easy to feel pity for a beautiful man saying he’s sorry and he wishes things were different.
“Of course you couldn’t have known, but I was ready to take a chance with you, Finn. The two of us against the unknown world, remember? Instead, you broke my heart.” My hand rests over my chest. “You didn’t even look back.”
His eyes lift back to mine. “I didn’t, did I?” he says as if he can’t believe it.
I shake my head. “No, you didn’t.”
I’m already shifting to head back to my room when Finn steps in front of me. His voice is firm with conviction as he says, “It can’t be undone, but I won’t give up, Terra. Never again. I won’t give up on us.” He grabs my hands. I never thought I’d see the day Finnick Rott would beg for anything, let alone for me. “I promise you, I’ll fix this. All of it.”
A cruel smile forms on my lips. “It’s sad that you think any of it can be fixed, Finn, and especially sad that you think I can be the girl I was. There is no us. Good night.” I pull my hands away. The cold breeze chills me to my core, but I’ve been frozen inside since the night we said our final goodbye. And just the same as that night, I don’t look back at him as I leave him standing alone at the lakeside.
9
Edgar
