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“Well, you made a mistake. I have a lot of work to do. I don't have time for this,” I say sternly.
She tsks, not backing down. “He looked so angry when he left. Are you sure what happened between the two of you meant nothing to him?”
I sigh. “He's only angry because his ego can't take it if I end it instead of him.”
“I doubt that's it.” She shakes her head. “He looked… I don't know how to describe it. But he looked as if you just broke his heart and stepped on it.”
I scoff at her analysis. “You are just imagining things.”
She looks at me weirdly, making me uncomfortable. “You don't look any different from him either. In fact, you look worse, like you are about to cry.”
I snap my sketchbook closed. “Why are you really here, Sam?”
She raises her hands in surrender, looking innocent. “I'm trying to be here for you. And I'm trying to stop you from making the wrong decision.” She pauses to take a breath before she continues. “You have been glowing for the past few weeks, and now I know the reason. You clearly care for this guy. Why are you pushing him away?”
It would be hard to get Sam off my back. She's right when she says I need someone to talk to. The only person I share my personal problems with is Nala, but she's not even talking to me. The only other person left is Sam.
“Didn't you hear what I said earlier? He doesn't care about me. This was just a simple deal. It's no big deal.”
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”
Her questions stall my thoughts.
“I'm just telling you the truth. We have worked together for over three years now. And in that short period of time, I can say I know you.” She starts giving me a knowing look. “You are just trying to protect your heart.”
“Is there anything wrong with that?” I blurt out. “I've been hurt before, and I don't think I can bear it again.”
“Is that why you chose to hurt him instead?” she raises.
How does she get me so well?
I rub my forehead and sigh. “It was a stupid idea. I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine, punish him for going around and breaking hearts, and show him that he's not the only one who can do it.”
She nods in understanding, looking serious.
I let out a heavy sigh and looked down at my hands on my lap. My voice, barely above a whisper, “So why does it hurt so much?” I feel defeated.
My mind goes back to the night he carried me home, took care of me, and kissed me. The phantom feeling of his lips on mine almost made me high with pure happiness.
“Because you love him,” Sam supplies in the silence.
My heart skips a beat at her words, and my eyes snap up to her. My mouth opens instinctively to rebut it, but I close it. There is no point in denying it. I knew. A part of me always knew that's why I was hurt when he just used me for his pleasure.
I don't know why I had to fall in love with him, of all people, in the first place. I knew nothing would come out of it, yet my heart still only beats for him. The heart really wants what it wants.
She places her hands on my desk. “I've been in your shoes before. And I can tell you that if you keep fighting the truth, you will only hurt yourself in the long run.”
My eyebrows furrow. “What truth?”
She shakes her head as if I just asked the most stupid question. “The truth is that he loves you too.”
I burst out laughing at how ridiculous it sounded in my ears. “He loves me?” I continue laughing despite myself.
“You have blinded your eyes to see it. But I saw him. He didn't look like a man whose ego was hurt. He looked like a man who was broken and tired. Tired from what, I don't know…” she trails off.
“You just met him today, and you think you already know him enough to decipher his every expression?” I ask, amused.
I lean forward, ignoring the ache in my chest as I say the next words. “He doesn't know what love is. It's a strange word for him. It would be foolish for me to hope. I'm okay the way I am.”
