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There were safer topics to focus on.
“So, you’re a nurse too?”
“Mhmm. It’s hard to find other work that’s so compatible with being a heat helper as well. The clinic is great about managing the hours, and they’re very understanding about shifts dropping last minute since they also handle the heats.”
“Which do you like better?”
“I know the obvious choice is the heat helping. I like both since they’re rewarding jobs, and, while being a heat helper has definite perks, it also requires me to drop things without much warning and be on call 24/7 and then work those same hours for over a week at a time. It’s much less stressful to have a nursing shift and get to go home.”
“Oh. I guess I hadn’t really thought about that.”
“Most people wouldn’t. I love it, but it’s not an easy job.”
“I’m even more work than most.” Guilt slowly settled into the pit of my stomach.
He pulled me into a kiss, expertly distracting me. “Don’t you dare feel guilty. I do this because I want to. I get paid well, and I’m more than happy to do what I can to make a difficult time enjoyable.”
I tried to take the words to heart, but it still weighed on me. I didn’t like being a job, no matter how much he might love it.
The oven timer went off, and he pulled the bubbling tray out. Settling on the couch at his insistence, we watched a trivia show with me cuddled against him while munching my dinner. He was still a stranger in many ways, but I hadn’t felt this relaxed or safe since I was a child. When I nuzzled closer, he opened his arms, and we got comfortably horizontal with me tucked between him and the couch, my arm draped over his chest.
It was so easy.
Why couldn’t everything in my life be this easy? I couldn’t remember the last time I’d relaxed like this without having to worry about an impending exam or assignment, or coordinating myself around extracurriculars and homework. It was refreshing to simply be.
“Is this all weird for you?” I asked.
“How so?”
“Well, you don’t get to pick any of us, right?”
“No, but I can refuse a client if I want to, and the whole point of the scent canisters is for omegas to find someone compatible for their heat, and that goes both ways.” He toyed with my hair, and I snuggled closer. “The hormones help too. Alphas are affected by the ones you’re throwing out, and while it’s possible to fight it, I let myself be receptive to it so that I can be a better match during all this.”
“That’s good. I’d feel bad if this was super weird for you.”
“I probably wouldn’t be doing this job if it was constantly weird for me. I’d do nursing full time if that was the case.”
“Right. Sorry, I’m musing and apparently not thinking clearly.”
“Nah, you’re fine.” He kissed my forehead and I got all melty inside.
After an hour of watching TV, I started to get restless.
Sidney pressed his nose to my throat. “How do you feel?”
“A little unsettled. I don’t know how to fix it.”
“Let me test my theory.” He patted my hip to get me to stand and then led me to the bedroom. “Have a walk around. I’ll be right back.”
I didn’t want him to go, but it would be unreasonable to ask him to stay when we were still in the same house. Glancing around, my vision honed onto the laundry hamper. I allowed my instincts to guide me as I reached inside and picked out a discarded shirt. It calmed the unsettled part of me to hold it and I turned to the bed, following that tug again that told me to tuck the shirt between the mattress and bed frame.
I turned back to the hamper and scooped out a whole armful.
“I was right.”
I screamed and hurled the whole pile to the floor. “Goddammit! Don’t scare me like that.” I turned from his satisfied smile to the pile of clothes. It felt wrong to leave it there so I gathered it back up and went to put it back in the hamper but my arms wouldn’t let go.
“Don’t try to fight it. You’re starting to nest. Take whatever you want from anywhere and put it wherever makes you happy.”
