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“You already were a dream.” I cuddled up tighter. “I couldn’t have asked for anyone better for all of this.”
We passed the night with movies and snacks, both too comfortable and exhausted to move. When morning arrived, bright and bursting with light, I only felt a bittersweet weight settle over my shoulders. I ate the breakfast Sidney made me, savoring each bite, and sipped my tea nestled in his lap.
The hours faded, and we indulged in a last joining, moving slow and sweet, imprinting ourselves upon the body of the other, taking in the last sounds, the last tastes and touches.
Soft bliss settled into me, driving some of the melancholy away, even as I packed up my things and Sidney loaded my suitcase into the car. The drive back to my place seemed to pass in slow motion. I disentangled my hand from his and stared at my home. It felt different now, but then I supposed I was the different one, and not the home.
I’d gone into this with such dread.
I turned to find Sidney watching me, his dark eyes pensive.
“One kiss for the road?” I asked.
His mouth quirked into a smile. I couldn’t tell if the sadness in his eyes was real or wishful thinking on my part. Sidney slid his fingers into my hair, tugging me toward him for the last time. I knew him now and fell into the intoxicating ebb and flow of the kiss, reluctant to pull away even though I knew I had to. My mother was probably staring out the window watching, but I couldn’t even bring myself to care.
He slipped out of the vehicle and walked around to open my door for me. I fell into his arms and pressed my nose to his chest, memorizing the sweetness of him.
His sigh echoed through my bones. “Be good for me until I see you again, okay?”
I nodded, unable to look up at him as the creeping sorrow I’d been pushing back started to overwhelm my defenses.
Sidney fetched my bag from the vehicle and I sucked in a steadying breath, clutching my suitcase handle, every step away from him and up the walk dropping a wall between us. He was back in the vehicle when I reached the door, but waited until it was open before pulling away as I stood on the threshold, watching his vehicle until it turned off onto the main road.
Maybe being an omega wouldn’t be so bad.
The moment Allie walked inside, I checked the time and drove straight to the clinic, walking past the receptionist with an absent-minded wave and directly into my boss’s office, shutting the door behind me.
She blinked owlishly up at me. “Sidney? Is everything all right?”
Not even close.
“I need you to ban me from ever having a heat with Allison Carmichael again.”
Dr. James’s body tensed up defensively and she stood sharply. “What happened? Do we need to ban her from the clinic? What did she do?”
“No, god, no. Nothing like that. She was a model client.”
Dr. J stared at me for a moment, trying to figure out why I was a cloud of stress. “So then what’s the problem?”
“It’s me. The only reason I didn’t bond her is because of the cuffs and collar. I wanted to and I have never wanted to bond a client before. You have to protect her from me. If she asks for me to be her heat helper again, you have to say no.”
“All right, let’s talk about this.” She fussed at me until I sat in one of the chairs across from her desk. “You’ve been a consummate professional since I hired you. Are you really this worried?”
I swallowed hard, burying my face in my hands. “Yes.”
“What is it about her that makes her different?”
“I wish I knew. I thought about keeping her the whole damn heat. I can’t do that to her. Even the illegal part of it aside, she’s only nineteen. She hasn’t even begun to live and I can’t risk tying her to me forever because my willpower abandoned me.”
Dr. J took one of my hands and offered me a sympathetic smile. “You did the right thing, though. Allison will be well taken care of by the clinic no matter what. Do you think you might want to take some time off from heat helping for a while? Are you worried that this will be a problem with future clients?”
“Your guess is as good as mine on that. Like I said, it’s never happened before. I guess with the next one we just put me in the cuffs and collar before I leave with them and I can let you know if I still struggled?”
Dr. J nodded. “I think that would be fair. I’ll put a block in the system to keep you from being assigned to her and to keep you from accessing her information. There should probably be some sort of long-term solution if you think this is going to be an ongoing issue, but we can cross that bridge when we get to it.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “I’m pretty sure the only way I’m going to stop wanting her is if you let me have her and we both know that can’t happen.”
“Well, I think in this case if we put the block in place for two years then that will at least save you from any of the legality issues. At that point she would no longer have been a recent client and if you still feel the same as you do now, we can reassess things.”
