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It didn’t make me feel better at all. I had to protect Allie. It wasn’t fair to even think about bonding her, about hitching her wagon to the first person she had ever been with. She deserved to grow and be with anyone she wanted. And I was certainly in no position to be quitting the biggest portion of my income over an obsession. This was better for both of us, even if knowing that I was cutting myself off from seeing her made all of my instincts panic.
I had checked myself thoroughly for bite marks while she had slept, half convinced that the burgeoning need to be with her was the result of a bondbite I had somehow missed. But no. The cuffs and collar had done their job and Allie had been too fixated on her own needs this first time to get too close to the third option for bonding.
“You should rest here for a while. You’re on your recovery days, anyway. Why don’t I bring you some cookies and juice and you can sit back here and collect yourself?”
I nodded silently and let the tension drain out of my body, my weight sinking hard onto the chair.
An itch I couldn’t scratch burned under my skin. I had heard about it happening to the recently bonded but I had never experienced it for myself. Every cell in my body wanted me to go find Allie.
Fucking laws.
I deleted her contact off my phone, covering the number with my other hand so I wouldn’t be tempted to memorize it. By the time Dr. J returned, I was shaking.
“Oh dear. Walk me through what you’re feeling.”
I listed my symptoms and she pursed her lips. Dr. J did a few quick tests. There was no bond, but my hormones were still elevated beyond where they should be.
“If you have someone that you could stay with for a few days so that you can be monitored, I would do that.”
“I can stay with my parents. Mom will be excited to have me.”
“Good. Go there now, rest as much as you can, and keep me updated on your symptoms. If it’s still bothering you, we’ll do another check in three days. Otherwise, I’ll see you back next week for your first shift if you’re feeling well enough. Will you be okay to get to your parents’?”
“I’ll make it.”
I inhaled the juice and cookies Dr J had brought, knowing full well that it would get nowhere near to what I actually needed. I texted Mom to double-check if she would have me, though the absolute yes was not unexpected.
My sister, Nicky’s, car was in the driveway when I arrived, and I unclenched my white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel to get out and take myself inside.
“Oh, honey, you’re here!” Mom was on me immediately, pulling me into a hug. “Dinner is nearly ready.”
“I don’t know that I’m up to socializing tonight.”
“It’s just us. It’s hardly a social event.”
My little brother whistled as he walked up to me. “You look like a cat swallowed you and threw you back up.”
I dragged Luca in for a hug, squeezing him harder than necessary. He had recently turned twenty-one, but he was the family baby through and through.
“Luca!” Mom whacked him on the shoulder. “Your brother isn’t feeling well.”
Nicky trotted up, nudging Mom away to get her own hug. “You really do look rough. Want to have some dinner in bed?”
“I’ll eat later. I think I need to sleep first.”
Mom pulled me to my old bedroom. It was devoid of most of the things I had filled it with growing up, but Mom had left it otherwise the same. I messed up the tidy bed sliding under the covers and was asleep before my head hit the pillow.
I woke sometime later to gentle fingers on my hair.
“I’m heading out,” Nicky said quietly. “I wanted to say goodbye before I did. Do you need anything before I go?”
I shook my head groggily and rolled over to give her a hug. “I’m good, thanks. Drive safe.”
“I always do. Love you.”
“Love you, too, Nick.”
Luca hovered in the doorway, trading places with Nicky. “You’re alive in here?”
