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My therapist told me I need to try finding ways to cope so that I can let more people into my heart. I wasn’t sure if that’s her way of telling me I need to let Autumn in or not, but I decided to ignore it for now. Bethany has been oddly excited and I know it has something to do with a girls’ night, but I don’t want to think about my daughter spending time with Autumn.
Why does she insist on continuing to get close to someone who isn’t going to stick around? Autumn already proved that she’s more interested in getting out of Maple Creek than staying.
I shake my head and make a sharp turn onto Savanna’s street, my heart hammering loudly in my chest as I get closer and closer to the large ranch-style home. My eyebrows pinch together when I pull in front of the house to find neither of their cars sitting outside. What am I here for if she didn’t plan on being home?
She probably had to stop in town for something and is on her way back. I’ll just go inside and wait for her. I’m sure the front door is unlocked since Savanna doesn’t have the sense to lock it on her way out. I take a deep breath before sliding out of the front seat and slamming the door shut behind me, heading straight for the large brown door that will lead me inside.
The door creaks as I push it open, but otherwise there’s no other noise and I shake my head. I come to a halt outside the kitchen where Autumn is sitting silently sipping a glass of sweet tea. “Uh,” I say before clearing my throat. “Is Savanna here?”
Autumn shakes her head and glances at me over her shoulder, prominent bags evident under her eyes. Is she not getting enough sleep? I mentally shake the question away – it’s not my problem to deal with and it would do me good to remember that.
“Do you know where she is?”
The woman my heart still yearns for shrugs her shoulders and looks straight ahead. “Nope.”
I blow out a rough breath and run a hand through hair which is getting longer every day because I can’t bring myself to go get it cut.
“Look, she asked me to come over here, but just tell her to give me a call when she gets back home and I’ll come by again.”
I’m about to walk away when Autumn clears her throat and the chair scrapes across the floor as she stands up. “I had her ask you to come here.”
“What? Why?”
She glares at me and hugs herself. “You never let me say my piece at the hospital so I figured now is as good a time as any.”
Say her piece? What could she possibly have to say? I nod and wave a hand out in front of me. “Well, what is it that you need to say?”
I’d rather not be standing here in front of her, not when all those things I feel for her are still very much alive. I’m looking at her now, seeing that she looks exhausted, and it’s taking everything inside of me not to take her in my arms and tell her everything will be alright.
This only proves that I should’ve asked Savanna to come to my place instead. At least then I could’ve avoided this interaction entirely.
“First, I have a question,” Autumn says softly, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip in a way that drives me insane.
“What is it?”
“Why did you do it?”
I stare into her eyes and tilt my head to the side, studying her features that look much more pale than I remember them. “Do what?” I’m almost certain I know what she’s talking about, but I still need her to say it aloud before I can give her an answer.
“Tell me you love me, then leave.”
“I already explained myself at the hospital, Red. Love isn’t enough right now. This fear is too much and I can’t get a grip on it. You deserve more than that.”
“That’s a load of shit,” she spits out, startling me for a moment. “What if I stood here and told you that I love you, too?”
“What?”
How could she love me, but then leave town?
“You don’t get it,” Autumn says with a soft chuckle, then she shakes her head. “You were always the boy I could never have. As a teenager I’d had a crush on you for years, watching you from afar. Then when I finally had the guts to admit my feelings to you, you found out about Elena being pregnant.”
How did I not know this? I mean, I had always sensed that she had a crush on me but I never thought it was anything serious.
“After that, I pushed my feelings into the very back of my mind and watched you with her.” Autumn sighs. “It sucked, but I got through it until the crush I had on you was barely a blip on my radar.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“You had your life all planned out and I didn’t want to get in the middle of it. Then she died and you put those walls up to keep everyone out.”
