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“What changed?”
“I came to work for you,” she says as if it’s that simple. “The crush I thought I was over came right back to the surface and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. We got closer and my feelings went from a crush to falling in love with you.”
“Stop,” I grind out. “I don’t want to hear anymore.”
She can’t say this to me right now, not when I have so much more to work through. If she wanted to deal with my issues, she would’ve stuck around and I’m not about to force her to be here any longer than she wants to. “I love you, Easton.”
I can’t listen to this anymore. The only reason she’s telling me this is because of what I said to her. It’s not because she actually feels that way.
Before Autumn can get any more words out, I quickly turn around and leave the house without another look over my shoulder. I’ve got no clue if she’s following me, but I’d rather not find out. I’ll do something stupid like give in to what she’s saying to me. Why would she love me?
I’ve done nothing but jerk her around and hurt her. She has no reason to feel anything for me.
When I get back into my truck and finally take the chance to look up, Autumn is standing on the front porch with wet cheeks and I shake my head at the sight. I hate that I’m making her upset again, but doesn’t she realize what she’s doing to me?
My heart is beating frantically as I listen to the engine purr to life, then I peel out of the driveway with Autumn still watching behind me. By the time I get to my house, I’m a sweaty mess as I hurry through my front door. Bethany is sitting in the living room, her gaze glued to the TV, but she jumps when I let the door slam shut behind me.
“Woah, what got up your butt?” She asks, her head cocked to the side.
I’m sucking in sharp breaths and I simply shake my head while making my way upstairs. The last thing I want is to have a conversation about this with my daughter. She’ll get entirely too invested in it. When I’m certain she’s not following me, I walk calmly into my room and sit on the edge of my bed.
How could Autumn tell me that? Do those words mean nothing to her? There’s no way she actually feels that way about me. And what about Bethany? In all the words she muttered, not a single one included Bethany and that only proves she doesn’t actually feel anything for me.
You’re thinking too much into it.
I’m not.
You’re just too scared to think that someone might actually want to be with you.
That’s true.
I replay the image of Autumn lying on the hospital bed after her surgery. Her eyes were darting every which way under her closed lids. There were bruises on her face that had faded slightly before she woke, but it was torture to see her that way. I wished it was me in the hospital instead. Anything to stop her from being hurt.
That’s what love is isn’t it? Wishing that you could take the pain away from the other person and have it as your own? It’s sitting in your room with no clue how to live your life, but still thinking about the one your heart beats for. No matter how much fear is coursing through me, I can’t stop myself from wishing that Autumn was sitting here with me or enjoying time with Bethany downstairs.
She doesn’t want that though. She left without a word, remember?
Autumn tried leaving us permanently without a single word to me or Bethany. She never came to say goodbye and she never bothered asking if we would go with her.
Why would she ask you to go with her, you dumbass? You pushed her away. Again.
That’s not the point.
God, what would my therapist say if she could hear me arguing with myself right now? It’s bad enough I have to worry about taking medication for anxiety I didn’t know I had, but apparently it’s why I can’t seem to let Bethany out of my sight.
A small tapping on my bedroom door forces me from my thoughts and Bethany pokes her head into the room with a smile. “Want to watch a movie with me?”
And just like that, the heaviness in my chest lifts for the briefest moment and I give my daughter a curt nod. “I’ll be down soon. Do you want me to make popcorn?”
She smiles and nods before closing the door behind her, leaving me alone for a moment to get my feelings under control. This is why I can’t let Autumn in. If anything were to happen, I’d be the one who has to comfort Bethany and how would I even do that?
This is for the best.
Or worse.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Autumn
