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The only way to ease my migraine is to shut the curtains and lay in the dark and quiet. I forgot I shut the blackout drapes before crawling back to the bed and collapsing on top of it. “Claire?” Rhea’s voice drags me back to reality a little, though it’s still distorted somehow.
I sigh.
“Come in.”
Rhea wastes no time, popping the door open and taking a tentative step inside. “Claire?” Her voice comes again, but this time it’s confused, uncertain. The light from the hall slips in just enough for me to see her standing with a hand on the doorframe, like if she lets go and moves too far into the room, the darkness will swallow her.
Maybe it would.
“Hey.” It takes a lot of effort, but I pull myself up into sitting and pat the bed so that she knows she’s welcome to join me. I haven’t seen her since everything with Jovich, and already that feels so long ago. In fact, the last time I saw Rhea, she’d been chasing a mystery woman down the hall. It feels like worlds have been born and collapsed into stardust in the space between then and now.
“Why are you…” Rhea hesitates. She knows how I feel about the dark... that I’m significantly more terrified than a twenty-year-old should reasonably be of it.
I decide to spare her from agonizing over her word choice. “I have a migraine. The light makes it worse.”
“Oh.” She’s close enough now that I can see her frown, concern written in the shape of her face. “Do you need anything for it? Ambien or Advil, or… something?”
Ambien.
I think of the plane ride to Costa Rica, the fuzzy feeling that had tugged at my edges, the drowsy warmth, the depth of sleep I’d gotten.
I bite my lip, uncertain that medicating is a good idea right now. But it promises relief, no matter how short-lived it will be, and after hours of self-imposed mental torture, relief in any form sounds amazing. “Yes, actually. I couldn’t sleep last night.”
“I’ll send Elaine up with something.” Rhea sighs, her hand closing over mine. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
Okay is relative.
I’m broken.
I’m falling apart.
I’m sleeping with her brother.
And I’m a murderer.
I’m not sure any of that is what I would call ‘okay’, but none of it is Rhea’s fault, which is why when the sob breaks through her chest, I ignore the screaming pain in my stomach and pull her into the tightest hug I can manage.
“I’m so sorry, Claire!” Her words are muffled against my shoulder. I can feel the hot tears spilling down her cheeks, falling on my neck and wetting my hair as she cries without abandon.
“It’s not your fault!” I tell her, because it’s the truth. “You couldn’t have known that Jovich was unhinged like that.”
The lie feels stale on my tongue. I don’t expect her to know everything about everyone, but it isn’t as if Jovich was simply acting on some crazy distrust of me. He was doing what he thought would protect her—giving me up in her place. I don’t forgive him for it, but I guess I understand it.
“I never should have abandoned you!” She holds me tighter as she shakes, her words quivering along with her. “I’m sorry! God, Claire, I’m so sorry! It was so selfish of me!”
“Rhea,” I pull away to try and get a clear breath, wiping some of her tears off my skin with the back of my sleeve. “It wasn’t selfish, and you didn’t abandon me. We’re on vacation, and you deserve to have fun without me at your side. I had a nice time with Remy.”
It isn’t the whole truth, but it also has the benefit of not being a lie. I did enjoy being out on the ocean with Remy, and I absolutely had a good time kissing him. We had an honest conversation, and Remy gave me a lot to think about, but it had been good up until we made it back to his room. It was good until Jovich told Remy everything I’ve tried to bury. I wondered then if he just had an uncanny ability to sense when we were getting hot and heavy, but now I’m sure he had very much orchestrated the whole thing to make Remy believe the worst about me, to drive a wedge that would make getting me out of the picture easier.
I still don’t understand why Jovich hated me so boldly, why he would choose to subject me to a life of torture just because he didn’t like me. But it doesn’t matter why. Jovich is dead, along with Mack and Slick. Knowing his motivation won’t take the pain away, won’t change the fact that he took something invaluable from me in the moment he sold me to a life of cruelty. The happiness I fought so hard to have is gone and the only shred of comfort I have is in knowing that it happened to me and not Rhea. At least I’m already broken, already used to the pain and shame and the need to escape.
Remy had said their father tried to leverage Rhea to satisfy his debts. I didn’t know the man, but I have no reason not to trust Remy on that front, which means that it could have just as easily been her. The thought of losing her and being forced to move on with my life is more terrifying than whatever fate may have awaited me if Remy hadn’t shown up.
Rhea pulls away and manages a smile that’s obviously for my benefit. “You just stay up here and get some sleep. I’ll check on you after the funeral and then we can talk about our flight home.”
The funeral.
I forgot all about it.
