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I hate that he’s right. I used to be the biggest wimp in the world, cowering at every obstacle and challenge that came at me. I couldn’t stand up for myself until Dimitri took me under his wing and showed me how. I became strong.
That all seems to have melted away with his death, and I’m terrified it won’t return. I’ve been reduced to a weak little deer, just as Ivan sees me.
I clench my jaw, trying to think of something to say. Anything is better than nothing at this point. “Tell me about Dimitri,” I demand, finally arriving at a response that’s useful and direct. “I’ve taken a shower and I’m ready.”
“All in due time. I haven’t gotten cleaned up yet,” he replies, taking another step toward me.
I move sideways, putting more distance between us. “You want to take a shower?”
He nods. “If you’ll allow me.”
He thinks my fear is funny. That tells me a lot about him. He’s cruel when he should be kind. Saving me isn’t enough to redeem him, although he might believe it is.
“You can take a shower. I’ll be waiting for you here,” I say, taking another step away from the bathroom door. I’m not blocking it any longer, and he can go in if he wants.
But he just stands there, his bright green eyes moving over me like he’s trying to analyze my body language.
I try to make myself less readable, shifting my stance and uncrossing my arms. Tragically, this actually reveals more, because now he can see that my nipples are hard.
His eyes find the sharp points in the fabric immediately, and his gaze latches on.
“Stop that,” I say, covering my breasts. “Go take a shower like you said you were going to.”
He walks over to the door to the bathroom, running his large hand along the wood frame. “I need to keep an eye on you, so you don’t run off. You’ll need to be in the bathroom with me.”
An ugly laugh escapes my mouth. “Not a chance in hell.”
“That wasn’t a question, Lily. That was a demand. Get your butt in the bathroom before I spank it,” he warms, rolling up his sleeves to make good on his promise.
I leap through the doorway, letting out a squeak as he follows me in. He chuckles, grabbing my wet clothes from the doorknob and holding them up as he closes the door. “I’ll have these washed and dried, and you should be able to wear them tomorrow.”
I nod, but I’m distracted by the veins popping from his forearm as he holds up my wet clothes. His fingers curl around one of the cups of my bra, and his pinky rests on the crotch of my panties.
No sexual thoughts, please. Jesus, I can’t be thinking about this monster like that.
I turn away from him, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My cheeks are so flushed that it looks like I’ve been hanging upside down for the last fifteen minutes. I need to relax, but I simply can’t. Every moment with Ivan is a rollercoaster of confusing emotions.
And feelings… Something tingles inside of me, a flutter deep in my belly that grows as Ivan drops my clothes on the floor and begins to undress.
The belt is felt. I know it by the jingle of metal and the snap of leather as he pulls it out of the loops of his pants.
Then, the zipper. He hasn’t even taken his shirt off yet, and he’s already removing his pants. I don’t have to see him to know that he’s going to take his underwear off next.
Stars dance in front of my eyes, and I start to feel dizzy. I exhale, realizing I’ve been holding my breath the entire time Ivan’s been undressing. The only thing worse than having to endure his presence while he’s naked in the shower would be to pass out and have him rush over to me with his cock and balls hanging in front of my face.
I’m not sure I’d ever be able to live that down, not because it would be horrifying, but because I know I’d never be able to get the image out of my head. I could never look at him without thinking of his penis, and that would be dangerous in a totally different way than today has been.
I brace myself against the wall by the toilet, my entire body stiff as a board as I hear him walk over to the shower. He must be completely naked now, but by the quickness of his steps, I know he’s not ashamed of it. If anything, he’s enjoying putting me through this.
“Do I have to stay in here? I’m not going to run away,” I ask as he rolls the shower door open.
“You get to stay here. Most women would be overjoyed to watch me shower,” he replies.
I would turn around and slap the egregious ego out of him, but then I’d have to see him naked.
All I can do is stand in silence as Ivan gets into the shower, humming to himself as he washes the sweat and dirt off from today. For a moment, I feel like we’re married, sharing a bathroom after coming back from a funeral. It’s cathartic to imagine, but I’d rather die than marry someone like Ivan.
For one, he’s full of himself. No matter how big and handsome he is, that would prevent me from liking him. I prefer humble men, the type who will buy me flowers and make me feel special. Ivan would probably jerk himself off in front of me and proclaim that he’s the one who deserves flowers for it.
