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“You know how I’ve been a little… emotional lately?” I ask, squeezing his steady hands.
“That’s understandable, considering everything you’ve been through,” he replies.
I smile at his attempt to be so reasonable. “Yes, but it’s been a lot, and I’m sorry for it.”
“Don’t be.”
I sigh. “Jesus, Ivan, you’re making this difficult.”
“What? Why?” he asks, worry etched into his handsome face. “Are you trying to break up with me?”
“No, nothing like that,” I assure him. I can’t stand to see the worry on his face. I don’t want him to feel an ounce of pain from me. I want him to be nothing but happy, and that’s what makes this so hard. I’m unsure if this will ruin everything, but that’s nothing I can do at this point to stop it.
“Tell me. I’m begging you, Lily. Don’t torture me this way,” he says, squeezing my hands again.
“Yes, yes, I’m sorry. I’m nervous,” I say, trying again to buy a bit more time. “I’ll tell you.”
He looks at me expectantly, nervousness still shimmering in his beautiful eyes. How can a man so strong and certain ever be worried about anything? I shouldn’t have this kind of power over him. It makes me feel guilty.
But I’d feel even more guilty if I didn’t tell him the truth. “Ivan,” I begin slowly. “I think I’m pregnant.”
His expression flat lines in an instant, becoming unreadable, and he pulls his head back. “Pregnant?”
I nod, tears welling up in my eyes despite my best efforts to keep them at bay. “I’m almost certain. It’s been long enough to really start feeling the symptoms, and they’re only getting stronger.”
He nods, his eyebrows coming together in a serious frown. “This is very important news, Lily. We need to get you to a doctor so that we can ensure you have a healthy pregnancy.”
There’s an awful lump in my throat that can’t simply be swallowed away, but his gentle words make it a little better. “You’re not… mad?” I ask.
“What? Are you kidding me? How could I be mad?” he asks, dropping to his knees and looking up at me with pure love in his eyes. “You’re a goddess to me, Lily. You’re the very definition of beauty and perfection. This is a dream come true for me, and I hope you feel the same.”
Tears stream down my face, and I struggle to wipe them away. “It is, Ivan. It’s everything I wanted and more.”
He plants a kiss on my belly, staying there for several seconds before looking up at me again. “My darling, you are going to be the best mother. I already know it.”
I laugh through my tears, tugging at his hands to bring him to his feet again. “Ivan, you’re the best. Really. I can’t imagine doing something like this without you.”
“You’ll never be without me,” he says, his voice dropping into a deep seriousness. “You will never go a day without joy or have to watch the sunset alone. I promise you that.”
I give him a doubtful look. “You really think you can be here all the time?”
A smile pulls up the corners of his mouth. “Ah, I didn’t say me, though. It could also be our child.”
I laugh, putting my hand on my belly and rubbing it. “I suppose that’s fair. We need to find out whether I am pregnant, first, but I feel like I know. I’m ninety-nine percent sure.”
“Let’s make it one-hundred,” he says, taking my hand and lacing his fingers with mine. “I know a doctor who can tell you with complete accuracy. Tests fail sometimes.”
I nod, drying the rest of my tears as I realize we’re in this together. Ivan is a wonderful man, and he’s going to be the best father. I couldn’t have ended up with anyone better. He’s amazing in every way, fitting me like a puzzle piece.
25
Ivan
The morning after Lily told me she was pregnant, I have a doctor come to the house. She’s a kind woman in her early forties, with a warm smile and ample knowledge about all stages of pregnancy and childbirth. Her name is Tracy, and she’s been around the Bratva many times for pregnancies, so she knows the drill.
“You can speak freely with Dr. Tracy,” I assure Lily as she splashes water on her face in front of the bathroom mirror. “She knows how we operate.”
“I’m more concerned that she knows how to identify a pregnancy,” Lily replies, her voice tight with anxiety.
