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“Henry, it was ten years ago,” I said. “But… that’s when it happened…”
Henry turned his head and looked at the house. He looked up. To the third floor. Where Travis was in bed, playing video games. My nine-year-old son who didn’t deserve anything but happiness and love in his life. Which he had experienced each time he was anywhere near Henry.
“That’s the reality,” I said. “That’s why… well, it all caught up to me. Just so much on my mind about it. Is this real? What do I do now? What do I say to you? What will you think of me? What about my son? Doesn’t he deserve to know the truth?”
He did the most Henry thing ever - he grabbed me and pulled me closer. He pulled me in and hugged me tight. That was who Henry was. I had just confessed to him the darkest thing about me. And maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal. I hooked up with a guy I knew for a long time. Big deal. It was perfect. Amazing. Epic. And then I missed him so much I dated someone else. Dated. And, oh, okay, I ended up in bed with that guy.
“Sage,” Henry said. “Right now, whatever you do, you cannot beat yourself up. You cannot change the past. You can only face the present. Face it how you want to face it.”
I broke away from Henry and pushed at his chest, sending myself back.
“That’s what you think? That’s what you say? There’s a chance you might have a son. And you’re calm?”
“I’m not calm, honey. My heart has been in my throat from the day I met Travis. Is that what you want me to tell you?”
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I want you to tell me,” I said. “I want to know…”
I looked up to the third floor window and my eyes welled up with tears.
“I don’t want any more pain for my son,” I whispered. “I don’t want…”
“What does it fucking matter, Sage?” Henry growled.
I gasped. “What…”
“I’m here right now,” he said. “You and me are here. That kid up there is happy. You think I’m going to hang out with him for a day or two and then that’s it? That’s not how I do things. Unless you tell me to back off. What your grandfather did for me… for my life… what if I do that for your son’s life? No matter what…”
I felt a sudden sting of panic, jumped up and tried to take off running again.
This time, Henry grabbed me and picked me up.
Henry cradles me in his arms for the entire walk back to the house.
We don’t speak.
He just walks.
I listen to the ocean behind us.
I feel his heart beating… it stays the same pace the entire time he carries me.
I did not want this trip or vacation or whatever it is to end up like this.
How did I not expect this?
Seeing Henry next to Travis.
Seeing the way Travis looks up to Henry.
Yet this nagging possibility that it doesn’t matter…
“It’s okay, honey,” Henry whispers to me as he carries me upstairs.
I grab for his neck and just hold myself there.
I’m all his right now.
I’m tired. I’m vulnerable.
