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And I’d meant it.
It had made sense…for her.
But isn’t Dylan trying to tell me that he’s crazy about me, too?
“I’m not sure that this whole thing is just a relationship born out of tragedy anymore, Jake,” I told the beagle as he hopped onto the bed.
It didn’t sound like Dylan was uncertain about how he felt or that he only cared about me because I’d been around to listen as a friend.
Honestly, he’d poured his heart out to me, told me about how he’d felt in other relationships, and explained how we were different.
“I’m just…scared,” I told Jake as he put his head on my thigh, and I reached out to pet him.
I wanted to give Dylan what he was asking for, but giving him a chance was high stakes for me.
If I made myself completely vulnerable, he could leave me devastated.
Or…he could make me the happiest woman on the planet.
“Have I been living, or just…existing?” I questioned out loud.
For the most part, I was happy with my life, but wasn’t there a part of me that really wanted…more?
A few months ago, maybe I’d been willing to settle for what I had, but that was before I’d met Dylan.
Before I’d realized it was actually possible to have these kinds of feelings for a guy, this kind of connection.
Did it really matter how long that happiness lasted?
If I wasn’t willing to try, I might not experience it at all.
It isn’t like there are more men like Dylan Lancaster out there who actually want to be with me as much as I want to be with him.
Sometimes, that thought terrified me more than anything else.
It had taken me thirty-two years to meet a man who made me feel like this.
Was I really willing to piss away the chance to be with him because I was too afraid to reach out and grab what I wanted?
Wouldn’t it be better to try than to regret not giving this thing with Dylan a chance just because I was afraid?
Do I want Dylan Lancaster to be my one regret for the rest of my life?
No. No, I didn’t. I knew myself. I knew I’d always wonder…
Maybe it wouldn’t last forever, but was I going to be any less miserable when I came back to Newport Beach after the wedding if I didn’t throw my heart into this relationship?
No. Probably not.
I couldn’t feel less for Dylan by trying to push him away.
I’d tried.
So didn’t it make more sense to let him care about me and for me to let my guard down and show him how I felt?
With Dylan Lancaster, there was really no middle ground for me.
I was either fully in, or…nothing.
