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“I care about you,” he says.
I lift my gaze from our clasped hands and meet his eyes in surprise.
“That’s more or less what I wanted to tell you. That I care about you a lot, and I want to spend time with you and see where this goes.”
I’m fucking speechless. I worry the edge of his thumb with mine.
He continues when I fail to respond. “So, I don’t see that as bad news, personally, but I recognize if you might feel differently.”
I manage to shake some words loose. “Have you broken up with Jericho? I mean, officially?”
“Not yet. You’ve kept me kind of busy, not sure if you noticed, but if you can spare me a few hours sometime soon, I’ll go see her and explain.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, the guilt of making him cheat on his girlfriend hitting me firmly in the gut for the first time.
“For what?” he asks. “I’m the one who fucked up. You didn’t know I was seeing someone. Anyway, you have nothing to be sorry for. But I gotta know, is this what you want?”
My hand slides out of his, and I use it to rub my face. “We can’t be together,” I tell him. “You know, not in any kind of real way. It’ll be like this. Hiding and lying and…I’ll be married.”
“Can we maybe talk about that?”
“What about it? You heard my dad tonight. He’s barely tolerating me. If I don’t marry Elodie, he won’t hesitate to do exactly what he said he was gonna do. Cut me off. He might even fucking disown me.”
“And that would be the worst thing in the world?” Drew asks.
“Short of death? Yeah. Basically.”
Drew puts his hands in his pockets, considering me for a long moment. “What if I told you I have feelings for you? Real feelings.”
My own feelings rise like champagne bubbles in my chest as I look back at him. There’s so much hope inside me, but it’s at war with inevitability and obligation and the goddamn status quo. I want to be with him. We may have only been officially hooking up for a couple of weeks, but in that time he’s come as close as possible to knowing the real me. I’ve been insanely uninhibited with him. But I’m also literally buying his time.
I’m as sensitive as any other wealthy person in this town to the threat of being taken advantage of. Drew has a lot to gain by being my guy on the side. He’s a risk, and a terrifying one, because I really do think pretty highly of him. I care about him, too.
“I’d say that’s hard for someone in my situation to trust,” I answer him honestly.
He nods. “I get that. I guess I haven’t shown myself to be the most trustworthy person.”
Assuming he’s referring to Jericho, I say, “It’s not about that, Drew…”
“No, I mean, I get all of it. It’s your classic wrong side of the tracks scenario. You have every right to doubt my intentions. Especially with the whole—you know…”
“What?”
“Like how would you even know I’ve never been with a man before.”
I never even thought about that. I don’t think I’m that naïve. Am I? “You’re saying you’ve been using me this whole time for an extra month’s rent and a nice suit?”
He gives me a casual shoulder shrug. “Maybe I have been.”
I’ll bite. “Then why bring feelings into it? You’ve already got me thoroughly seduced.”
“Maybe to seal the deal?”
“You think that would work on someone like me?”
“Yeah. I think it would. I think you’re lonely enough to want to believe someone wants you for real.”
I gulp. A second later, he’s caging me in, one hand on my hip and the other braced on the countertop. His face is just close enough to mine that my eyes don’t have to cross to look at him.
