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A tear falls, but I wipe my cheek quickly, hoping no one noticed. I might need a few minutes before I can properly assess Drew’s new book. I’m more than a little overwhelmed. I ask Mal if we can be done for today.
Mallory turns to me with a sympathetic pinch in her forehead. “Are you okay? I know that was a lot earlier.”
“I’m—I’ll be fine.”
“What happened?” Drew asks.
God, I wish everyone would just fucking leave so I could be alone in my own home with my boyfriend.
“You can read about it in the book,” I tell him. “By the way, can I borrow you for a minute?” It’s meant to sound like a casual request, but even I can hear how desperate I sound.
Elodie, for once, takes the hint. “Mal, let’s go get drinks. I was thinking about something that happened when I was seventeen, and I wanted to see if you think it would be good to put in the book. It’s kind of tawdry.”
“Sounds like something I’d love to hear, regardless,” Mallory says.
A few minutes later, Drew and I are left on opposite sides of the island staring at each other. Him with a concerned frown on his face and me fighting back more tears I can’t explain. It’s been sort of an emotional day, I guess. I’ve been having a lot of those lately.
He nods to the stairs with a question in his eyes. I lead the way.
Once we’re in the bedroom, I sit down on the bench at the foot of the bed, and he takes the spot beside me. “You okay?”
I rest my hand palm up on his leg and he takes it in his. “The photos are incredible.”
“Thank you,” he says quietly.
I squeeze his hand. “I mean it.”
“Why are you crying?” he asks.
“I don’t know.”
“What were you talking to Jeremy about?” he asks.
“Topping and bottoming.”
Drew snorts. “Oh.”
“I just want to be what you want. What you need. All the time,” I say.
“Have I not made it clear that’s exactly what you are?”
“You have,” I whisper.
“Then what is it?”
“How did we get here, Drew?” I ask, because I swear the question keeps me up at night. It all feels too unlikely. A fever dream that won’t end, but fragile still. And sometimes like a mistake we don’t want to fix but might have to remedy one day when we both come to our senses.
“Well…” he sighs. “It’s a long story. But it has a happy ending.”
“Does it?” I ask.
“Are you afraid it doesn’t?”
“I’m afraid all the time.”
“Baby, what you’re doing right now is tough. I get it. But the pros outweighed the cons. By a lot.”
The list had been very heavily weighted on the pros side when I decided I’d participate in the upheaval of my family name. The number one item on the list—one he hadn’t disputed when I wrote it down—was I’d get to be with Drew.
