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“You are… and if I didn’t know any better, then I would say this is your first time with a… Evelyn?” he paused when something in my face must have given it away, but then again, it could have been feeling me wince beneath him. And it was when I saw the realization dawn on him that I managed to slip from beneath him in state of his shock. I then got to my feet, pulling my rope tighter together as if this was enough to protect my dignity, one that felt as if it was being stripped from me against my will.
“So, this is your room,” I said stupidly, feeling myself spiraling out of control and not knowing how to cope with it.
“Evelyn, look at me?” he asked softly, only I couldn’t. Because I knew what I would find there.
Pity.
And I couldn’t stand that. I couldn’t stand the judgement. Not from him. Not from the one man I had dreamed of being my first. The man I was so close to trusting it with it. Which was why, even without doing as he asked, I told him,
“I don’t trust people.” Again, I didn’t look at him, even after I said this, knowing it was easier if I didn’t. And when he didn’t respond to me, I knew it was because he was giving me the time to continue and get out what I clearly needed to.
“You spoke to Arthur?” I asked, focusing on the window and purposely avoiding the reflection of him sitting at the edge of the bed, a glimpse I had allowed myself.
“I did.”
“Then you know more of my past than most people,” I admitted.
“He told me how he found you,” he admitted, and I could almost picture it. Arthur there, signing away and standing looking proudly at all the artwork he had filled his little cabin with. The smell of the fire burning, mixed with the wildness beyond the wooden walls of what felt like the only true home I had ever known.
“Did he tell you how long it took me to trust him enough to stay?” I asked, not shocked when he told me,
“He did.” At this I finally looked back at him and said,
“Then maybe you can understand why.” At this he stood up, putting his hands to his thighs, and I didn’t know why but I found the sight such a breathtaking one. It was as if he did it in the wake of coming to some unspoken decision.
“I understand why your trust and fear go hand in hand.” I closed my eyes at this, knowing he had hit the nail on the head.
“I have a past, Ryker.” At this he made his way over to me and lifted my gaze from the floor I had felt it safer to look at. He did this by cupping a hand to my cheek, and what he found was my watery gaze looking back up at him.
“You’re not the only one with a past, sweetheart, but the question you need to ask yourself, is what you want to do with it?” I frowned a little before asking,
“What do you mean?”
“Everyone has a choice in life, Evelyn, and with it you can chose whether to let the past define your future, or you can shape it to the one you want to live. No one wants to live the lie we tell ourselves is living, when in fact it’s simply going through the motions.” I released a held breath at this, being forced to admit,
“You’re right, I know what I have been living is just a lie but I…” I paused, needing to take a breath.
“What… what is it, Little Dove?” he asked me softly, running the back of his fingers down my cheek, one I could feel turn wet as I blinked away the first of my tears. So, I let my forehead fall to his chest as I told him quietly,
“…I don’t know how to stop running from the lie.” At this he cupped the back of my head, holding me to him as he whispered down at the top of my head,
“Then trust me to free you of it.” I felt more tears fall before telling him,
“I can’t.” At which he sighed before kissing my forehead, and just as he was about to give me the space he thought I would need, I did something I had never done.
I gave him a piece of me no one had ever received before. Something that started by laying my hand on his arm, stopping him from stepping away from me. He looked down at my hand resting there on his forearm, as if the sight meant a great deal to him. Well, if that was the case then I really hoped my next actions meant even more, because I braved to tell him,
“But I can trust you with a different part of me.” Then before I chickened out, I reached down and untied my robe, slowly pulling the knot free and letting the sides fall open, baring more than I ever had to a man before.
A moment of shock rolled through his features before his eyes made the slow and sensual journey down my body. Eyes that heated quickly and even started to glow slightly, making me fight the impulse to take a step back at the sight.
He won’t hurt you, Evie.
He doesn’t want to hurt you.
I told myself this, adding to the voice in my head that the hungry look in his eyes was nothing more than of a sexual nature. And to have such a man look at me in such a way, it was almost like taking a sexual drug for the effect it had over me.
“It’s dangerous to tempt me with such a sight if this isn’t what you want… if you’re not yet ready to be mine,” he warned, which was why I decided to be braver still, and I answered him by slipping the rest of my robe from my shoulders. And this time, giving him everything I could in that moment. Something he drank in and consumed as his eyes glowed an even deeper shade of dark blue, a glowing hue in the centers.
