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“If only what? Tell me.” I finally forced myself to look at him and told him…
“If only you hadn't kissed me.”
15
FEAR AND FORGIVENESS
“If only you hadn't kissed me,” I said, and at this he looked truly shocked, because clearly he would never have imagined ever cheating on his wife… even with me. I admit, it stung, but knowing of the love he had always held for his wife, then could I really be surprised?
“I kissed you?” he asked, and all I could do was nod my head.
“And… Lerna… did she…?” I shook my head telling him no, that she never found out. And I didn't know if the reason it was so painful for him to say her name, pausing and doing so in a strained way, was down to the guilt he felt or something else. Perhaps it was saying her name in front of me. Or perhaps he was trying to spare my feelings the way I was trying so desperately to spare his. But in the end, I knew there was no possible way that I could tell him what I needed to and spare him anything.
“Then I don't understand.” I released a heavy sigh and told him,
“You kissed me… you didn't want me to leave… I don't know, perhaps you felt something for me, like subconsciously you knew that I was your Chosen One…”
“Oh, I undoubtedly felt something for you, Ella, for if it is even the tiniest shred of what I feel for you now, then it would have been enough for me to want you to stay.” At that I couldn’t help but gasp as more tears slipped down after instantly gathering. I even had my hand to my chest and told him on a staggered breath,
“You don't know… how much I needed to… hear that right now.” At this point, he could no longer stop the need to touch me, and he was up out of his seat and next to me in a heartbeat. He pulled me into his arms, and I couldn't help but sob into his chest, just like I knew I would do the moment he hugged me. I then felt his hand stroking back my hair as he whispered down at me,
“I would have fallen in love with you, no matter what time or place in this world we were in and all worlds that follow.” I gripped onto him tighter, and told him on a quivered breath,
“I love you.”
He released a big sigh, as if he too had needed to hear this just as much as I had. In fact, I didn’t know how long he held me for, but it was long enough for me to have composed myself to continue. So, I pulled back, and he let me. But he didn’t leave his seat next to me and, this time, I didn’t ask him for that space.
“Can you tell me what happened, baby?”
I nodded, wiping away my tears on the long sleeves of his thermal top I had found. One that wasn't quite as baggy on me as one of his T-shirts had been. However, the sleeves still needed to be folded back and its long length tucked into the only pair of jeans that I had. Thankfully, he had more than one thermal in his drawers other than this navy blue one because, pretty soon, the sleeves would be soaked with my tears and even more gross… my snot.
An irrational worry, no doubt, that my mind was trying to focus on to replace the difficult story I still had to tell.
“I told you, I had to leave, and, in the end, you let me. But then as I was walking away, after a while I just stopped. Like I couldn't do it. it was if I was compelled to run back to you and tell you everything that was about to happen. To warn you, so that you could make your own choice. I remember that conversation we had in the pub, when we had our date around London… do you remember?” I watched him swallow hard as if parts of my confession had meant something to him.
“I remember everything when it comes to you, Ella… so yes, I remember.” I couldn’t help but grant him a small smile at that.
“You talked about not having a choice, that you never asked to become a HellBeast King… and I kept playing those words over in my head, how unfair it was… I thought… well, I guess I thought that I could save you.” Again, this last part came out in another sob and I was in his arms as he whispered,
“Oh Ella, baby.”
I quickly pushed on, knowing I had to get it all out now, there was no turning back. So even with his arms around me, like a brave coward, I told him without looking at him,
“I got lost, and I stumbled across a meeting. Koro was there, and other men that I recognized as being the ones who dragged you into the caves. They were all discussing how the time was now, talking about how they would take you.”
“You saw all that?” he asked, making me nod before continuing,
“I was spotted, so I ran as fast as I could and found your cottage. I begged you to come away with me, for us to run because they were on their way. I tried to save you… but in the end…” I paused as I shuddered thinking back on that day.
“They found me anyway,” he finished for me, and once more I nodded, now pulling back to look up at him.
“They arrived before we could even make it out of the door. We didn't stand a chance,” I told him. He sighed before making his assumptions…
“Thank the Gods, they didn't take you.” This ultimately, ended up making me tense and my features winced in pain before telling him,
“They couldn't do that, not if they wanted you to believe that it was me… that I was the one that betrayed you.” He frowned at this.
“I never would have believed that, I would have had no reason to believe them.” I closed my eyes at that, and the pain must have been easy to see on my face. But before he could ask, I pressed on.
