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He scanned my face and I tried to stand
tall and hold my own, but the weight of his gaze made me jerk my eyes away. I halfheartedly read the wine list like I was interested in anything in their cellar. I wasn’t thirsty. I wasn’t hungry. I was terrified because as romantic as those flowers were, they were also tangible proof that it was only a matter of time before this thing between us would wilt.
“I haven’t done this dating thing in a while, but if memory serves, it’s perfectly acceptable for a boyfriend to get flowers for his girlfriend. Especially if he’s been a dickhead.”
The dread had teeth and it climbed from my stomach, burrowing into my chest. It took a bite out of my heart and I knew tears weren’t far behind. I pushed the menu away and cleared my face of all emotion, trying ambivalence on for size. “A simple ‘I’m sorry’ would have sufficed, Xander.” He opened his mouth to say something charming and likely frustrating, so I blazed forward. “Just like I don’t need helicopter rides to Livermore. You don’t have to sweep me off my feet.”
The playfulness evaporated altogether and his eyes hardened to emerald slits. “How about we get to what this is really about, Penny. Your time is valuable, as is mine. I didn’t come here to be scolded about helicopter rides and flowers, and I don’t think this about either of those things anyway.”
“Well, it sounds like you have it all figured out.” I balled my hands into fists beneath the table. We were still getting to know each other, but there was one thing I knew was true-we were both stubborn. It was a recipe for disaster. “Why don’t you tell me why I asked you here?”
He raked his hand through his dark locks and I saw the tension clutching his face, the fight glittering in his eyes. “Damn it, talk to me. This won’t work-”
“Why don’t we stop right there? This won’t work.” I swore the air in the room changed instantly. It was charged with electricity. Heavy with words that had been said and couldn’t be taken back. Everything around us from chatter to forks scarping plates to movement as life spun on around us seemed to be a whisper compared to this moment. It would have been easier to weather the pain that those words evoked if he didn’t seem completely leveled by it. For the first time since I met him, he was slack jawed and speechless.
Nothing about any of this was what I expected. When we met, I’d seen a man driven by lust, but then he actually listened and shared. He made it no secret that he wanted me; I felt it in the way he looked at me, touched me, and tasted me. But then he did things he didn’t have to. Livermore. The roses. Meeting me when I was sure he had better things to do than having lunch with his fake girlfriend. A fake girlfriend that treated him like he was guilty until proven innocent.
“I like you Xander,” I blurted out, trying to infuse some truth into the conversation. I swam against the current that was taking us out to sea. “And this won’t work because–and I’m speaking for you now, so feel free to correct me–I think you like me too. And I don’t see how this works when you’re you, and I’m me-”
“And who am I?”
I blinked at him, the raw ache in his voice taking me by surprise. “W-what?”
“You seem to have me pegged.” He sat back with a sigh like he was battening down the hatches for something good. “So who am I?”
I knew it was an important question, and my opportunity to come clean about my sister’s prediction that he’d break my heart. I opened my mouth and let it go. “You’re the kind of guy who goes to sex clubs and doesn’t do relationships. The kind of guy who makes grand gestures that make other women who should be saying ‘how sweet!’ say things like ‘he’s gonna hurt you’.”
His eyes clouded over, his jaw tightening until the angle looked sharp enough to cut. “Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out. It must be pretty nice to hone in on everyone else’s shit so you don’t have to deal with your own.”
“Hi! I’m Brianna!” Our waitress had impeccable timing, squealing every syllable of her name. “What can I get you two to drink?”
“Whiskey, neat.” Xander growled, crossing his arms.
I glared right back, angry that he’d turned my suspicion back on me. Even pissed as hell, I noticed the way his biceps rippled. I longed for him to pick me up, hold me down, and take me.
“Since we’re drinking hard liquor at 1pm, I’ll do a vodka tonic with lime,” I bit off, lasering holes in his frustratingly beautiful skull.
She passed us the menus, her bubbly energy grating on my nerves. “I'll give you two a moment to look over the menu and I'll be back to see what yummy dishes you chose.”
I granted her a tight grin before I turned back to Xander, counting down the seconds until I could give him a piece of my mind.
“And let me just recommend our crab cakes. And our salads are to die for!” She giggled like a schoolgirl. Her eyes were focused on some far off place as she tapped her pencil against her chin. It was a place of culinary delights, where all her picks slowly rotated on glittering Lazy Susans. Every mouthwatering detail had to be shared with the couple that was clearly mid-argument from the awkward way we half listened, waiting for her to go away.
She sighed, her eyes readjusting as she turned her attention back to us. “Anyway, I'll leave you to it!”
I leaned in when she skipped away, my voice a hiss that I struggled to keep low and for his ears only. “I don't know who you think you are-”
“Get over here.”
I frowned, sure I'd misheard him. “Excuse me?”
He didn't answer immediately. He took a long swallow of water, then lowered the glass back to the table. He fixed his gaze on me, a gaze that demanded obedience...and made me throb between my thighs.
“Get up and come sit beside me.”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I pulled at my blouse, the temperature shooting from something bearable to I've Gotta Take Off All My Clothes. I wasn't sure what was more disturbing, that I was turned on by the way he’d just told me what to do, or the fact that I listened.
I rose to my feet and shuffled to his side of the table, squeezing into the booth beside him. The anger that had whipped inside me like a tornado was a gentle breeze as I breathed in the scent that was all Xander. It was understated and overpowering. He had my full attention and desire flowed through me like an electric current.
