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“Thank you, I think,” I managed to say. “How have you heard of me?” I asked.
“You’re a friend of Perry Jackson’s and his young husband, correct?”
“I am,” I answered.
“And from what legend has shared in New York City circles, you are sort of a friend of Jack, Perry’s deceased husband.”
“I’m sorry, Alan, but you obviously have an advantage over me.”
“After seeing you, Chad, I’m afraid that isn’t true, as much as I wish it were.”
I repositioned myself behind the kitchen island as I tried to assess the nature of his visit. He wasn’t being mean; quite the contrary, actually. But he was blunt and very direct, not to say that I didn’t appreciate that in a person.
“May I ask why you’re here, Alan?” I inquired, doing my best to remain civil as well as polite to one of Cole’s… what was Alan exactly now? I asked myself silently.
“Honestly,” he began, diverting his gaze when I looked directly at him. “I came to ask Cole to give me a second chance.”
He was direct, for sure. Good on him. “I wish you wouldn’t do that,” I declared, figuring I may as well join him in being direct. My response garnered more attention from him as he returned my gaze. “I’ve fallen in love with Cole,” I added, leveling my stare and wondering what his response would be now.
He pursed his lips and I couldn’t miss the pools developing in his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it just as quickly. He looked away finally, just as a stifled sob escaped his lips.
“Sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have come. I knew it even when I was making my way here.”
“You must have needed to say something, Alan,” I whispered, making my way around the island. “Perhaps you needed to ask Cole that question or something more?”
He stared at me, now allowing the full rush of tears to escape his eyes. He slowly shook his head back and forth as he continued staring, the pain of a harsh reality clearly defined on his face.
“I needed to see you,” he admitted, wiping his eyes. “I knew the question I wanted to ask Cole, but now… but… seeing…” he leaned over the island and wept uncontrollably.
I hurried to his side and placed my hand on his back. “Hey, you’re okay here,” I soothed. “You and I are fine, Alan. This is about you and Cole, my friend.”
After several seconds of trying to control his emotions, he looked up and focused on my eyes, shaking his head in what seemed like disbelief. “It’s true,” he whispered, clearing his throat. “You are precisely as people described you.”
“That’s not fair,” I argued. “I don’t know these ‘people’ you speak of.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said, looking away. “They aren’t my true friends, anyway. They want Cole in their lives, not me. He always thought it was me that kept our friends close, but it was him,” he stated. “However, he stopped calling them, so it was left up to me to carry on without him. It wasn’t me they liked, as it turned out.”
“I’m sure that can’t be true,” I disagreed. “A couple is only as strong as the individuals.”
“That’s the point,” he said. “I let everyone down. I deserted the strong individual only to learn that I cannot stand on my own merit.”
“And that’s where your visit comes in?” I asked. “You wanted to ask Cole to try again with you?”
He brought his hands to his face and tried to rub the hurt away. I felt tremendous regret in him. Of course, I knew what the regret was about. He’d let Cole go, and now he realized the loss was bigger than he’d imagined.
“I know now how bad an idea that sounds like. Look at you. Listen to you, for God’s sake. You’re perfect for Cole,” he stated. “I need to get out of your hair. Thank you for your kindness, Chad,” he said. “I can wait outside.”
“And then what?” I asked. “Run away from your feelings and pretend we never met?”
“Isn’t that what you’d prefer?”
I chuckled. “Whatever you’ve been told about me by those people you mentioned, they don’t know me as well as you think they do.”
“Can you direct me to a hotel at least?” he asked. “I’ll stay to warm up until Uber can get out this far, and then I’ll leave.”
“On Christmas weekend? Surely you must have somewhere to be?”
Alan remained silent as he looked away. I noticed his hands fidgeting in his lap and my heart broke immediately.
