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They didn’t know I’d been booted from NASCAR. No one did. The story peddled by the team and the media was that I’d been suffering from PTSD after seeing my lover die on the track. It made me seem weak, but at the time, I’d been in too dark of a place to fight back. Well, that, and I’d had to sign an airtight NDA, which meant I couldn’t run my mouth about why I was fired.
Fuckers. All of them.
The smell of food was making me hungry, which was a lot better than the urge to puke I’d had for a couple of months there. For a long time, I’d just thought I was stressed. I’d always been a little bit of an anxiety puker. When I was younger, before a really big race, I always used to lose my breakfast. It was like clockwork really. I’d thought I’d grown out of it, but once I started puking in the mornings a couple of months ago, I’d just assumed the stress was getting to me.
Boy, had I been wrong.
I stepped out into the kitchen, where Willy was sitting at the breakfast bar, reading on his tablet. His hair was messy, and he was boyishly handsome; Colin was a lucky dude. Actually, Colin was attractive too, if in a slightly softer way. Not physically softer—he had the lean body of a professional diver, and I doubted there was an ounce of fat on him. No, he was less emotionally shut down than Willy, who’d had to overcome expectations of who he should be, according to society, so he could be finally happy. And they were happy, stupidly so.
I needed a guy like either of them, a guy who’d love me the way they loved each other. That wasn’t in the cards for me right now, but it was something to hope for, right? Even with Buck, I wasn’t sure I could’ve had the kind of love these two did.
“You’re awake!” Colin said happily, spotting me standing in the doorway. “Come in. I made you waffles with strawberries and chocolate sauce.”
Tears welled at his thoughtfulness, but I swallowed down the emotion. “Thanks, Col.” Walking over to the breakfast bar, I leaned my head on Willy’s back. “Sorry I didn’t tell you.”
I felt the stiffness leave him, and he turned until he could loop an arm around my waist. He hugged me tightly, and it just felt nice. I’d been missing human contact for the last few months.
“It’s okay. I know you would have, when you were ready. Not like you could have avoided me for the next eighteen years. I was only saying to Colin last week that I was giving you one more week, then I was going full PI and tracking your ass down.” I felt him smile. “Besides, you’d never deprive me of being Lug Nut’s favorite uncle.”
Colin snorted. “You cannot call the baby Lug Nut, Will.” He winked at me. “Plus, we all know I’ll be the favorite.” He came around the counter and hugged me too, until I was squished between them, safe and warm. “We love you, Tally. And we’ll love this baby too. We’re your family, and you can lean on us.”
Willy grunted. “What he said.”
A few seconds later, Colin pulled away and put a plate of food in front of a stool. “Sit and eat and tell me everything we need to know. Appointments you need. Your due date. Who the daddy is, because I know you weren’t out fucking random guys in bars, Tally.”
Yeah, I knew that line might’ve worked on Hayes, but it definitely wasn’t going to work on Willy. I guess it was time to come clean.
“After Buck’s accident, I was pulled into the office trailer of Ryclo…”
They were silent as I told my whole tale of woe. Meeting Buck and falling in immediate lust. Honestly, that was probably the most relatable part of the story, because anyone who’d ever met Buck would fall in lust with him. He’d been so handsome and so fucking personable that he lit up any room he entered, and was the center of attention if he remained in it for more than five minutes. He’d swept me off my feet and into his bed before you could say, “Howdy, ma’am.”
Colin waggled his eyebrows at that, because he got it. Willy was like a true brother figure. He didn’t think anyone deserved me, and had chased off potential boyfriends for years. My dad said he’d always wondered if Willy was secretly in love with me, but Colin had dispersed that notion easily.
I knew it was just because he was protective; Willy might be gay, but he was also a guy. He once told me that he knew how guys thought, and quite frankly, none of them were worthy of my attention. It was sweet, in its own way.
I continued with the story, and when I got to the accident, my voice became monotone as I recounted the race, seeing the burning car in the infield, having to drive the remaining laps without knowing if Buck was alive or dead.
By the time I got to being let go by Ryclo for “underperformance”—but really, because Brick had thrown a tantrum—Willy was irate as hell. “We’ll sue the fuck out of those assholes for wrongful dismissal. They broke the contract; there’ll be rules against that.”
I shrugged, like it didn’t mean anything, like there wasn’t a huge, empty abyss in my soul. “It was in my contract; they had every right.” They’d had to pay out my contract, but still, a few thousand dollars was an insulting consolation prize to end my dreams. I shook my head, because I’d been over this a hundred times in my mind. I’d even taken my contract to a lawyer.
“Anyway, I didn’t realize I was pregnant until a couple of weeks ago. I went to the doctor, where they did an ultrasound and told me I had a cryptic pregnancy. It’s not as unusual as it sounds, apparently. I didn’t purposefully keep it from you guys.”
Willy frowned. “And the baby is Buck’s?” I nodded. “So you’re six months along?” One more nod, and he swiped a hand down his face. “Jesus Christ. So we have twelve weeks to get you completely ready for a baby? Colin, grab a notepad. We need to write a list.”
Willy loved lists. I had to admit that while it felt good to share this burden with someone else, I was sad that it wasn’t with Buck. Willy and Colin would help, of course, but they were funcles, not fathers. I was looking down the barrel at a future of raising this baby solo.
And that scared the shit out of me more than any race.
Breakfast turned into coffee on the back deck of their townhouse, though they would only give me hot chocolate now. I didn’t tell them I’d been drinking double espressos just to stay on my feet before realizing I was pregnant.
Finally, the conversation turned to last night, and I knew my reprieve from lectures was over.
“You can’t do that shit anymore, Tally. If you’d crashed, it wouldn’t have just been you who died—you owe that little life inside you some consideration. Not only that, if you’d crashed and needed surgery, no one would’ve known you were fucking pregnant and told the doctors. You aren’t an irresponsible teen who goes to street races to get their kicks. I know you didn’t ask for this, but the truth is, it’s your reality. If you don’t want to be a mother, you could consider adoption?—”
“No!” I wanted the baby. I did. I’d thought briefly about it, but I’d also thought about how disappointed my dad would be in me if I didn’t at least try to make a life for me and the baby. I’d had such great parents. How would someone else raise him or her, and what if they were mistreated? No, I wanted to keep it. “I needed the money, though. Babies are expensive, and I don’t have any skills, other than driving fast.”
“What about Brick Willtot—” Colin started, and I shook my head.
