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I think of the two-story white house where the party was. It was in a smaller neighborhood, next to an apartment complex. No camera on the doorbell.
I shake my head. “No. I don’t think so.”
“Fine. Then you were here with me all night. That’s your alibi. If no one comes forward, it will take them a few weeks to put you at the scene, to even think to question you.”
“Lilly left me,” I said, staring off into space. “She just left me there.”
“If she ran off, she’s hardly likely to go to the police. She’s scared. She won’t talk if you don’t.” Mom bites her lip, thinking. “I’ll go to her myself. I’ll take care of it.”
“Do I just go back to school till this all blows over?”
A light filled her eyes, like a thought had come to her. “For now. But what if… it’s so close to summer, what if you took an internship? Somewhere far from here where no one would want to look for you anyway?”
My mom and I scoured the internet, trying to find a safe place for me to go as far from California as possible. I applied for the internship in Scotland and when I got it, she took me shopping to celebrate.
She told me to stay offline. Not to contact anyone from my friend group. She met with Lilly in person, made sure she was on the same page. Mom told me to limit my texts and calls, even with her.
Basically, to disappear.
After I left, Mom packed up herself, moving to Northern California, practically a world away from LA. She went there to be with a boyfriend, Joe, a man she’d been talking to online. I messaged her several times after I arrived but haven’t heard back.
Day five in Scotland, I stopped trying to contact her.
The only reason my mom’s crazy plan has even worked up to this point is that no one saw me at the party. As Mom said when she laid out her plan, I’d only just arrived and was on the porch when Lilly came out to get me.
And… Lilly isn’t talking. She can’t. The guilt was too much for her to bear.
She took her own life.
Two lives… gone.
My own guilt and unanswered questions swirl through my mind daily. What I read in the news should have eased my mind. The police determined the boy died from drugs he’d gotten on his own, but it turns out whatever Lilly gave him, whatever drugs she’d bought from a friend of a friend this boy had sent her to, were laced with something terrible, causing a heart attack. There was nothing I could have done.
When it comes down to it, I still feel I made the wrong decision, especially leaving Lilly at a time when she needed me. My mom forced me to end contact, but to be honest, Lilly had already started to pull away. Still, I think my mom buying all those clothes was some kind of goodbye to me.
Why hasn’t she returned my calls?
A tear falls down my cheek and I brush it away. “How can it be that I ran so far away from trouble, only to find myself at the wrong place at the wrong time, again?”
Dragging myself out of the technicolor memories of my past, I look around my new white-walled prison. I get up, going around the room to pull down the room-darkening blinds to keep out the Simmer Dim. We don’t have these at the lodge and it’s hard to sleep with the constant light. It’s pleasant here. Would it be so bad to stay? After all, the reason I came to Scotland was to lay low.
Then I remember who I’m living with. A murderous man who has openly stated he’s not sure what he’s going to do with me.
I leave tonight.
Taking deep breaths, I force myself to remain calm. I go about my evening, prepping for bed just as I always do. Dressed in loose-fitting pajamas, I crawl under the soft, fluffy duvet and try to close my eyes.
He’s locked the door, a skeleton key in an old-fashioned lock.
But I’ve already checked the windows. They are perfectly normal, unlocking and opening from the inside. I’m on the first floor. It should be easy to get away.
“A little too easy?” I ask myself.
Maybe he planned it this way.
Part of his games.
A moment later, there’s a knock on my door. His booming voice carries through the wood. “Did you say something?”
