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“Well, no, but…”
“You can say no,” Rafael adds, looking at Enzo. “Don’t guilt her into this.”
I look from him to Enzo, and though my head is telling me this is crazy, that I shouldn’t be okay with any of this, my body is responding in an entirely different way.
“Actually, I think I would like to watch.”
Chapter Fifty
Rafael
Being with Enzo is addicting.
Not in the sense I’m in love with him and can’t be without him, but it’s something within me. When I can let go of everything, trust him enough to make every decision for me, to the point he’s sometimes beating the stress out of me, it’s impossible to put into words. During those times, it sometimes feels stressful, but when it’s all done, I feel so much relief.
My whole life, I struggled with anxiety. Stress affects me in ways it doesn’t affect others. I feel it in my body, straight to my bones, and mentally? Don’t get me started on that. But being with Enzo? It helps. He is the only drug I need, the only thing that helps me get through rough days.
I’d been with other dominant men before. Women too. None of those relationships worked as well as this one does. I knew when I was a teenager that relationships and commitment weren’t for me. I’m different. That’s okay. The other sexual relationships I had helped, they were good, they made me realize what it was I needed. All I had to do was find the right person.
Enzo is that person.
With that being said, I will not get in his way of having a happy life because I know his idea of happiness differs from mine.
He too thought he’d never get married, not with the lifestyle he lives. It’s why our contract is there. But even though us separating would be a breach in the contract, unless we saw it through to the renegotiating date, I don’t care. His happiness matters to me. And though it will suck for me, I could never deny him his happiness. I won’t throw a contract in his face because of the issues I have.
These issues are mine.
Coming back from my trip should have been a breath of fresh air. Knowing I was going back to my life should have been a relief. I said my goodbyes to my mother, did what I needed to clear my conscience. We never had a great relationship, but I did my part. Coming home, I knew what I would be able to get from Enzo. That release.
Only I couldn’t. At least I didn’t think so because of Jordan. I’d known that from the moment I left because I knew things with Enzo and Jordan would work out. Meaning, things would be different when I’d return.
I’m not blaming Jordan, not at all. Not blaming Vincenzo either. It’s just facts.
So when Enzo said we needed to talk, the three of us, I was certain he was going to end things. To say I was surprised at the outcome is an understatement. It’s the last thing I was expecting. I was already thinking of what areas I’d like to live in. The east coast was top of my list.
Of course I was hopeful, but hope has gotten me nowhere in life. All hope does is lead to disappointment. Today was different. That was a relief in itself.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Enzo asks quietly as I work on unbuttoning my shirt. Jordan is sitting in the blood-red armchair across the room, fidgeting.
“You should ask your wife that.” I wink at him, and he smirks.
Enzo has been different since Jordan has been here. Though I haven’t been around much, I notice it in the texts he sent while I was gone. The phone conversations we had, and especially now. He’s more forgiving. More lenient. Part of me is wondering if he’s gone soft. Will this time together have the same outcome? I guess I’ll only know by going through with it, which I fully intend to do. And no, I don’t care that Jordan will watch. There is no shame in my game. Besides, I have a feeling her watching will make her feel better. Maybe knowing how he and I are together will make her comfortable with the idea. On the other end, maybe it’ll piss her off and I’ll be kicked out of the house tonight. Who knows?
Time will tell…
I get the most out of these sessions when Enzo is tough, unmoving in his demands, and firm. It allows me to know I can trust him, which is what allows me to let go completely. Rid myself of the stress and anxieties weighing me down.
I get the last button undone and shrug my shirt off. My undershirt is next. I drape them both over the stool by the door.
“Get on your knees and wait for me,” Enzo says.
I drop to my knees and place my hands on my thighs, looking straight ahead. He moves away from me, and I watch as he goes to Jordan. They speak quietly for a few moments and when he walks away, she’s more relaxed. I feel bad for her. She’s out of her element. She looks terrified, if I’m being honest. Not just now, in this room, but before I left. Yet, something has changed in her too. She’s more comfortable than she was. Almost like she wants to be here now. At least they aren’t fighting like they were before. She isn’t destroying the house and hurting his employees. That’s a plus.
Enzo moves back to me, brushing his fingers down my cheek. He rests two fingers under my chin and tilts my head back to look up at him.
“Did you miss me?” he rasps out, and my cock responds immediately.
“Yes.”
